“Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the 'very' good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's Operation 'Push'.” GivingShouldChildrenHelpingEndureVery GoodFollowingOperationsRevelationsRainbowFamily And FriendsScandalCoalitionsChildren LoveReverends Author:Jon Stewart
“The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four.” GivingPersonsHomeThreeWaterFourSecurityExtrasDepartmentPlusBottlesHomelandHomeland SecurityDepartment Of Homeland Security Author:Jon Stewart
“That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.” IfsGivingChildrenHardAmericaNextOpportunityGroupsLuckyExperimentsHeightShoreGrandchildrenLandingArrivingEthnic GroupsSqualor Author:Jon Stewart
“Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.” GivingSoundBeatsGive MeItalian Author:Jon Stewart
“People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.” PeopleIfsGivingI CanStuffPun Author:Jon Stewart
“At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?” GivingEndsSpeechConcessions Author:Jon Stewart
“Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve.” WantGivingEnoughPleaseFollowingWhat You WantTricksEvolveFollow Through Author:Jon Stewart
“We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.” GivingKindPlanetsDeserveAspectOvercomingCaretakers Author:Jon Stewart
“Hopefully the process is to spot things that would be grist for the funny mill. In some respects, the heavier subjects are the ones that are most loaded with opportunity because they have the most - you know, the difference between potential and kinetic energy? - they have the most potential energy, so to delve into that gives you the largest combustion, the most interest. I don't mean for the audience. I mean for us. Everyone here is working too hard to do stuff we don't care about.” KnowsGivingMeanHardWould BeCareOpportunityEnergyStuffProcessInterestDifferencesAudienceSubjectsDon't CareSpotsHopefullyLoadedMillsCombustionPotential EnergyKinetic EnergyWorking Too Hard Author:Jon Stewart
“Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. And I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves!” GivingSweetRespectDeserveFairsDeliciousCherriesMiningTurds Author:Jon Stewart
“Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.” GivingChildrenWarHouseTelevisionGive MeIraqBillionsIraq WarPbs Author:Jon Stewart
“I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.” MenGivingWellsI CanAbleSoundVoiceImpression Author:Jon Stewart
“North Korea is making several demands in exchange for giving up their nuclear program, including a promise from America not to attack them. Which is a little strange because for us to attack them we would have to have slam dunk proof that they have weapons of mass destruction. I mean, for Gods sakes people, we're not maniacs. It would have to be an air-tight case. We wouldn't just come in there and start bombing you.” PeopleGivingMeanLittlesAmericaCasesAirStrangePromiseDemandGiving UpWeaponsMassProgramDestructionIncludingSakeProofNuclearKoreaNorth KoreaWeapons Of Mass DestructionMass DestructionBombingSlamManiacsSlam Dunk Author:Jon Stewart
“When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing."” GivingFirstsWould BeCausesMetsFirst TimeMadCome UpHillsUpsetArrestedCourthousesMad At Him Author:Jon Stewart
“I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's very specifically focused, and hopefully people can add to their entire puzzle that gives them a larger picture of what it is that they see.” PeopleIfsThinkingWorldGivingLittlesBitsLittle BitAddFocusedHopefullyPuzzlesOf Context Author:Jon Stewart
“I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.” GivingSeemsCareWealthAdvantageProsperityDon't CareI Don't CareUpset Author:Jon Stewart
“More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.” KnowsGivingStatesChancePrejudiceSummitNew YorkersHead Of State Author:Jon Stewart
“If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.” PeopleIfsGivingStreetsMinutesNewsSatireAmberRioting Author:Jon Stewart
“And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.” GivingTryingMightDifficulty Author:Jon Stewart
“This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life."” GivingMayMeanEnoughUseSeemsLevelsCompanyMorningRecordsPolicyProductsHigherPoliticianCostConcernProfitTerrorTerrorismOilFavorsCirclesExpensiveWowMore MoneyShockingFiniteCrudeBarrelsOil CompaniesCircle Of LifeForeign OilOil Price Author:Jon Stewart
“Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.” IfsGivingWarCareGiving UpWeaponsChemicalsDictatorWho CaresAvoidedChemical Weapons Author:Jon Stewart
