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Dark Humor Quotes

Browse 331 quotes about Dark Humor.

Dark Humor Quotes

“April's Fool by Stewart Stafford The fool of April enters bowing, Ritual humiliation's shameful call, A harsh harlequin's wooden stocks, Butchering "wit" to wound and maul. A victimless crime full of victims, Spring showers weep a jester's cheek, Reputations pilloried in estocada— Merciful gods spared us a week. By noon, the branding is over, The faux superior blunder on. Jokers think they're oh-so-clever, Booed offstage to oblivion gone. © 2026, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

PainPowerSatireHumiliationAprilDark HumorJesterApril Fools DayApril FoolsShaming
Author:Stewart Stafford
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“But you know, mon petite, what you got is a gift. And when de good Lord gives you a gift you have to use it. Dat's why he put you here on dis earth. Sometime it's gonna be to help a soul cross over to de other side to meet him. If dat's whey you gott do, den dat's what you gotta do. You can't just keep collecting de dead. You gonna have to find a way to take what you got and work wit dat.”

RomanceComedyYoung AdultSelf DiscoveryParanormalYoung Adult FictionSupernaturalDark HumorSpooky
Book:Toe to Toe
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“U-2200 is a heavily worn, approximately egg-shaped 1.07-meter-tall monolith of tenasserite limestone inhabited by Gua, a non-corporeal entity that claims to be the prehistoric Johorean god of forgetting how to ride a bicycle. [...] U-2200 claims to have dwelled within the stone since its carving, more than 5,000 years ago. Exactly what U-2200 did between that time and the invention of the first actual bicycle in the 19th century is a matter of some debate. Consensus among Organization academics is that U-2200 did nothing, and probably did not exist in its present form. U-2200, however, claims that the bicycle has been invented dozens of times by cultures in all parts of the globe over the course of the past 5,000 years, only for U-2200 to engulf, consume, and negate all human knowledge not only of the riding of bicycles but of the mechanism of the bicycle, before lapsing back into dormancy. It calls this “the Bicyclecycle.”

MythologySurrealDark HumorSpeculative FictionAbsurdismWorldbuildingUnreliable NarratorAncient ArtifactBureaucracy SatireSecret Organization
Book:There Is No Antimemetics Division
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“But what are we going to do?" Colonel Cathcart exclaimed with distress. "The others are all waiting outside." "Why don't we give him a medal?" Colonel Korn proposed. "For going around twice? What can we give him a medal for?" "For goung around twice," Colonel Korn answered with a reflective, self-satisfied smile. "After all, I suppose it did take a lot of courage to go over the target a second time with no other planes around to divert the antiaircraft fire. And he did hit the bridge. You know, that might be the answer—to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail.”

WarHumorFunnyJokesHumorousJokeDark HumorDark ComedyGallows Humor
Book:Catch-22
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“You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.”

WarFunnyGreekStorySarcasmGreek MythologyJokeGodsAmusingDark HumorGreek GodsSarcastic HumorOdysseusTrojansTrojan HorseTrojan WarGreeksGreek Myths
Book:Chasing Odysseus
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“Nostalgia is old hat,” Carol says. Carol tears down the yellow leaflets, pinup girls, and wallpaper garden. For a while everything is bare. A month goes by and it is Christmas. Carol only hangs up the pinup girls. Then she hangs up the wallpaper garden. The leaflets have been burnt.”

HumorFictionNostalgiaShort StoryUnrequited LoveDark HumorMagical RealismBittersweetLiterature QuotesUnrequited Love Quotes
Book:The 3288 Review: Volume 1, Issue 3
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“The patient does not make light of manifestations of herself anymore, does not so often laugh or jeer at them, even if she still unconsciously passes them over or ignores them, even in the subtle way her parents dealt with the child before she had words to express her needs.”

HealingDark HumorHealing ProcessSelf DeprecationSelf Deprecating HumorLaughing At YourselfHealing From Child AbuseJeering At YourselfMaking Fun Of Yourself
Book:Drama of Being a Child Book Club
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“Do you still distrust me?” “No. Take your necklace with you so you can think of me when I’m not there.”
Brown brought the necklace over to her and put it on her neck.
“I think it rather suits me,” she laughed and left.
Brown didn’t understand what had made him insist she wear the necklace. Maybe it
was the readiness with which she had made love, or her frequent disappearances lately,
he was just curious. There was no harm in checking, before he parted with the money.
Later that evening, before going to sleep he decided to have a look at her location and
he was in for a surprise. She had not left Central City at all. In fact she was at the same
friend’s address as she had been the last time.”

ActionMysteryCrimeThrillerDark HumorFast PacedAction Thriller
Book:The Arbitrator
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“The jogger came upon them after the tragedy occurred and witnessed Raymond preparing to take off on his bike while Howard lay facedown on the ground with a metal spike through his head. When the cops arrived at the scene and questioned Raymond, he told them, “I don’t know … he like fell on it, or something. I was just riding my bike to the grocery store when I passed him on the trail. He was walking on the path while I was biking by. He saw me and said hello and then he fell face-first on a spike. I was like, ‘Dude, does that hurt?’ but he didn’t reply or move.” When the cops asked him why he was trying to flee the scene, he said, “I was going to get help on my bike. Maybe doctors could, like, unspike his head or something, like, I don’t know.”

HumorHumourDark HumorBlack HumorDark HumourBlack Humour
Book:The Beasts of Success
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“Figurative Fun by Stewart Stafford Neigh, neigh, Hyperbole! Galloping into wild mares' play. I'd yell, "Egregious slander streaker!" But it skulks 'neath its nudist speaker. Understatedness hides in a selfie's rear; Verbosity hogging limelight sans fear; Caustic parody, satire, and critique, Peddling wares in skewed oblique. Gossip's lip, stained in a bloody hue; Rumour's half-baked harmonies slew; Utterances bejewelled speak of love, Absolutes sting as a duellist's glove. © 2024, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

HumorHumourIronySatireRhymeDark HumorWordplayDark HumourFigurative LanguageExperimental Poetry
Author:Stewart Stafford
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