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“Setting aside the issues of homicide and suicide for the time being, let us examine what it means to be a true fan. My harried therapist once asked if I could delineate my specific philosophy in a concise and economical fashion, if only for the edification of the vulgar. Hey, no problem, Doc. I just happen to have a tattered old piece of paper in my wallet setting forth the fan canon; it had been given to me as a boy by a rakish carny who claimed to have once been Dizzy Dean’s grocery boy. It consisted of the following items: Never switch allegiances. Show some respect. Visit the shrines. Never give up. Never give in. Never leave early. Neither a front-runner not a Johnny-come-lately be. Accept no substitutes. Wait until next year. Never turn down tickets to see Jordan.” — Joe Queenan