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Quote by Ellen DeGeneres

“I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.”

Quote by Ellen DeGeneres

Author

Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeGeneres is an American comedian, television host, and producer, best known for her talk show 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show,' which has been on the air since 2003. She is recognized for her humor, kindness, and for being the first openly lesbian host of a major U.S. talk show. more

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“I appreciate your giving my book -- and in no small way, me -- a chance. To thank you, I really wanted to acknowledge all of you in the book. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough room for each name. So I've put in a code name that stands for all of you reading this book. The name is 'Mom.' It will be our little secret. So when you see 'Mom' in the acknowledgments, you'll know I'm really talking about you. And don't let my mother try to tell you otherwise.”

Knows Way Giving Trying Littles Book Enough Wanted Mother Reading Names Chance Rooms Secret Talking Mom Appreciate Code Acknowledge Acknowledgment Appreciate You

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.”

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Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.”

Looks Mean Long Beauty Long Time Okay Pants Parachutes Mullets

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!”

Believe I Can Matter Remember Memories Worst Dad Sorry Come Up I'm Sorry Remember Me

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars. I want to have groupies." But my idea of success is different today. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and not to give into peer pressure, to try to be something that you're not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. To contribute in some way.”

“I love being with my children. They're fascinating people.”

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“Being on a ship is something like being pregnant. You can sit there and do absolutely nothing but stare at the water and have the nicest sense that you are accomplishing something.”

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Book:Penny Candy

Source: Penny Candy

“Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.”

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“While in some quarters it is felt that the critic is just a necessary evil, most serious-minded, decent, talented theater people agree that the critic is an unnecessary evil.”

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“I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.”

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