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Quote by Sakshama Puri Dhariwal

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Man of Her Match

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Sakshama Puri Dhariwal

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“I saw him again after we broke up. He texted me that he missed me and I agreed to meet him. Though it had been less than two weeks, he looked so much older. I saw the lines, the tiredness—he was not as I remembered him. He looked almost ugly. I realised then that the spell had been broken. With the wisdom of hindsight, I know that he offered me neither love nor respect. He did not make me a better person, and the same is true of me. Our relationship was superficial. We ignored the aspects of each other’s lives, which made us uncomfortable.”

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“I was a timid child. For all that, I am sure I was also obstinate, as children are. I am sure that Mother spoiled me too, but I cannot believe I was particularly difficult to manage; I cannot believe that a kindly word, a quiet taking by the hand, a friendly look, could not have got me to do anything that was wanted of me. Now you are, after all, basically a charitable and kindhearted person (what follows will not be in contradiction to this, I am speaking only of the impression you made on the child), but not every child has the endurance and fearlessness to go on searching until it comes to the kindliness that lies beneath the surface. You can treat a child only in the way you yourself are constituted, with vigor, noise, and hot temper, and in this case such behavior seemed to you to be also most appropriate because you wanted to bring me up to be a strong, brave boy.”

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“If you sum up your judgment of me, the result you get is that, although you don't charge me with anything downright improper or wicked . . . , you do charge me with coldness, estrangements and ingratitude. And, what is more, you charge me with it in such a way as to make it seem my fault, as though I might have been able, with something like a touch on the steering wheel, to make everything quite different, while you aren't in the slightest to blame, unless it be for having been too good to me. This, your usual way of representing it, I regard as accurate only in so far as I too believe you are entirely blameless in the matter of our estrangement. But I am equally entirely blameless. If I could get you to acknowledge this, then what would be possible is—not, I think, a new life, we are both much too old for that—but still, a kind of peace . . .”

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