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Swimming in the Dark

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Tomasz Jedrowski

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“That song always made me thankful for her, for Simone. There's this peace that comes with knowing you have a person in the world who would do anything for you, that you would do anything for. She was the first time I ever had that. I got a little bit teary in the car listening to that song. I turned to Simone and I opened my mouth to talk, but she just nodded and said, 'Me too.”

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“Amira waits a second, as if she's waiting for me to say more, but any words I attempt to form feel caught in my throat. She's lifting the flip-up section on the counter when I finally get the courage. ‘I'm sorry about what I said during training,’ I say. Amira stops and turns to look at me. When the silence stretches on, she raises one of her perfectly manicured brows. ‘Is that all?’ Of course, she's not going to make this easy for me. A bubble of irritation threatens to pop inside me, but I push it down. ‘I'm sorry that I said that I didn't think this job would be too hard-‘ ‘I think what you said was it wouldn't be 'too difficult to manage.' God, she's so annoying. ‘Right, and I can see now that it is not a simple job and so I'm sorry. And I don't want to fight with you anymore. At least not at work.’ I jut out my hand then, waiting for her to shake it, but Amira just looks down at it and then back at me. ‘You're supposed to shake it.’ ‘Yeah, no, I got that. I'm just thinking.’ ‘About what?’ ‘If I want to shake it.’ I swallow a groan of frustration and instead plaster the best smile I can to my face.”

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“Of course not! I'm stressed because the popcorn machine just lost it, and I didn't know how to fix it! And I should know how to fix it.’ I step back, surprised. I don't think I've ever heard Amira yell before. Sure, we've argued and had our spats over the years, but she's never really had an outburst like this. At least, not in front of me. ‘Sorry.’ Amira's voice is low. She hangs her head, and I know she's feeling embarrassed. ‘That was a lot.’ I shrug. ‘I've had my fair share of meltdowns before. It's nothing I can't handle.’ Amira snorts at that. ‘Oh, I know about your meltdowns. Remember when you got a ninety-nine on that art project, and Ms. Bloom said it was because there was 'no such thing as perfection' when it came to art.’ ‘Which was ridiculous,’ I say. ‘I stayed up for hours working on that stupid papier-mâché mask, and Taylor painted it for me, so I know it was, in fact, perfection.’ ‘Wow, I can't believe you confessed to cheating.’ Amira clutches a hand to her chest dramatically, and I roll my eyes. ‘I did not cheat; I outsourced the final step of my project to someone who actually has skills. And I helped her with the English essay that week. It was an even exchange.’ ‘Sure, sure, whatever you say, cheater.”

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“I sigh and lightly pound my fist on my forehead. Literally, what is going on with me today? I cross the hallway into my bedroom, so I’m not just standing outside the bathroom door like some kind of creep. I fall into my bed, resting my hands across my stomach, taking in my glow-in-the-dark stars as I replay all the events of the day, from the almost kiss that probably wasn’t almost anything to me inviting Amira into my home. This tentative friendship should’ve never left Horizon’s walls, and now I’m in too deep.”

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“Do you think if I hadn’t moved, you wouldn’t have ended up hating me?' Amira asks, catching me off guard. 'I don’t hate you,' I say automatically. 'Maybe not anymore,' Amira says. 'But you made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me the moment we started at North, and I never understood why.' 'I told you why,' I say, defensive. 'It wasn’t personal. I just didn’t think being friends with you would be conducive to me reaching my goals.' Amira shakes her head and pushes to standing. 'Rochelle, how could I not take that personally?' 'I—' 'Just forget it,' Amira says, waving a hand. 'I don’t know why I even brought it up. I should go.' “Amira . . .' I falter, unsure what I want to say, but Amira doesn’t wait for me to figure it out. 'I’ll see you at work,' she says, and then she’s gone.”

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