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Quote by Najwa Zebian

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The Nectar of Pain

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Najwa Zebian

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“LAST WORD You made me laugh, And I forgot all the tears. You helped me up, And I forgot the times You let me down. You were hatred, Just as surely as You were love. You were everything right And everything wrong— Humility and Defiance, Cruelty And kindness, Approval and Contempt. You were everything And nothing. I had to let you go, And it freed me. Still, I’m sad, For I know Who you might have been. I know you so well… But you do not know me.”

“We don’t, not any of us, get to this point clean. No. We’re all dirty and ragged. Rough edges and sharp corners. Fault lines and demolition zones. We’ve got tear gas riot squads aiming straight for the protest lines of our weary souls. Landmines in our chests that we trip over every time we try to hide from the terrifying tremble of our own war torn hearts....But it is your history that delivered you this roadmap of scars. Those healed wounds and their jagged edges are proof of your infinite ability to survive, to knit broken back to wholeness, to refuse that the end is every really the end... Make friends with your teardown. Do not run from your bar brawl for forgiveness. Sit with the times you’ve fucked up and the times you lost all and the days your redemption was delivered by the hand of the last person you ever expected to give anything but darkness. And through it all know that your walled up and torn down, graffiti-covered heart is still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

“He never loved you, but he loved the reflection of the man he saw in your eyes. But listen to me, my friend. You never loved him either. You just loved being the queen. You loved being the sun. You loved being the woman behind a great man. You never loved him. You loved having something to give. Someone to fix. Someone to please. You see, in love, you don't get what you want. You get what you think you get.”

“I have been accused of a habit of changing my opinions. I am not myself in any degree ashamed of having changed my opinions. What physicist who was already active in 1900 would dream of boasting that his opinions had not changed during the last half century? In science men change their opinions when new knowledge becomes available; but philosophy in the minds of many is assimilated rather to theology than to science. The kind of philosophy that I value and have endeavoured to pursue is scientific, in the sense that there is some definite knowledge to be obtained and that new discoveries can make the admission of former error inevitable to any candid mind. For what I have said, whether early or late, I do not claim the kind of truth which theologians claim for their creeds. I claim only, at best, that the opinion expressed was a sensible one to hold at the time when it was expressed. I should be much surprised if subsequent research did not show that it needed to be modified. I hope, therefore, that whoever uses this dictionary will not suppose the remarks which it quotes to be intended as pontifical pronouncements, but only as the best I could do at the time towards the promotion of clear and accurate thinking. Clarity, above all, has been my aim.”