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“Had any children? the doctor asks. I say No. And close my lips—the other half of the answer. If this were a party, I'd feel I had to go on, even if the other person hadn't asked Why not? Or Are you planning on having any? They feel free to ask. And almost always, I explain something about wanting them but not enough, or how I wish I had two lives: in one of them I'd have a child by now. But it's no good, not doing something never sounds as real as doing it. I seem to stand in for reserve, my life a keeping back, a state of being not in active service.” — Nancy Eimers
Had any children? the doctor asks. I say No.
And close my lips—the other half of the answer.
If this were a party, I'd feel I had to go on,
even if the other person hadn't asked
Why not? Or Are you planning on having any?
They feel free to ask. And almost always, I explain
something about wanting them but not enough,
or how I wish I had two lives: in one of them
I'd have a child by now. But it's no good,
not doing something never sounds as real as doing it. I seem to stand in for reserve,
my life a keeping back, a state of being
not in active service.