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Quote by Abhijit Naskar

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Nazmahal: Palace of Grace

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Abhijit Naskar

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“There was a phase of my life when I would wake up and not know where I will be at the end of the day. I was alone and I kept on moving from place to place. Living alone in a different country, I felt uprooted and without any support. But somehow I managed to keep going. and I kept on going amidst strangers. Each day was a struggle. I felt like giving up and going back to my family. But Man is not made to accept defeat”

“There was a phase of my life when I would wake up and not know where I would be at the end of the day. I was alone and I kept on moving from place to place. Living alone in a different country, I felt uprooted and without any support. But somehow I managed to keep going, and I kept on going amidst strangers. Each day was a struggle. I felt like giving up and going back to my family. But Man is not made to accept defeat.”

“Every witch I’ve ever met says I’m too powerful, I’m too much, I’m not safe,” I say. “Not safe to be anyone’s friend, to study with anyone, to be trusted.” To be loved by anyone, I add silently, kicking my Doc Martens against the wall of the canal. When I’ve got control of my grief, soaring through my chest like a bird with feathers made of sorrow, I go on. “Maybe if I could actually shift it would be different, but my power doesn’t make me feel safer,” I admit, not letting my voice rise above a whisper, too ashamed to speak loudly. “Mostly, I just feel … fucking lonely.” Bastian doesn’t say anything for a while. I wonder if I spoke too quietly for him to hear. A goose flaps its wings and slides into the water, gently paddling upstream. Then he speaks. “We could study together,” he says. He doesn’t phrase it like a question, but a statement. It’s funny, because in it I hear something different. You don’t have to be alone is what I hear. I’ve not felt that in a while now, like someone believes I’m safe to be around. That someone wants my company. Bastian might treat witchcraft differently to any witch I’ve ever met, but he’s here and he’s not afraid of me. “Yeah, okay,” I say.”

“Mariez-vous, mon ami, vous ne savez pas ce que c’est que de vivre seul, à mon âge. La solitude, aujourd’hui, m’emplit d’une angoisse horrible : la solitude dans le logis, auprès du feu, le soir. Il me semble alors que je suis seul sur la terre, affreusement seul, mais entouré de dangers vagues, de choses inconnues et terribles ; et la cloison qui me sépare de mon voisin que je ne connais pas, m’éloigne de lui autant que des étoiles aperçues par ma fenêtre. Une sorte de fièvre m’envahit, une fièvre de douleur et de crainte, et le silence des murs m’épouvante. Il est si profond et si triste, le silence de la chambre où l’on vit seul. Ce n’est pas seulement un silence autour du corps, mais un silence autour de l’âme, et, quand un meuble craque, on tressaille jusqu’au cœur, car aucun bruit n’est attendu dans ce morne logis.”