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Quote by Asuni LadyZeal

“A Child always GROWS into his Area of Strength, then he CALLS it his IDENTITY If that child seems lost, it's cos he feels he has no "Strength" He would go searching until he finds it. Even if he finds it at the wrong place. That's why, it is okay to show your child the dream you have for him. So it may become where he finds his own. Or else, he could find it where you may not like. Every GROWING child looks to GROW into something that he can call his IDENTITY. His first love! Dance... Music... Sex... Cooking... Any hobby... Or interest... Any! Uncover that child's identity WITH HIM and FOR HIM... Before he gets it WHERE YOU would rather he doesn't.”

Quote by Asuni LadyZeal

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Asuni LadyZeal

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“You need a Community to Parent your child. If you are the only one doing the "Parenting" trust me, you have a long way to go. Your child needs SOME skills you DON'T HAVE. If you had THOSE SKILLS, they still would need others YOU STILL WOULDN'T HAVE. My point? You ain't perfect! If you are the only one doing the parenting you are just starting. And I bet You, YOU WILL BE SO SLOW at it and their would be certain areas you can't touch. You need PARTNERS. Partners of your CHOOSING! Partners to help you reach your goal of PARENTING your child. Your pastor or imam for CERTAIN spiritual goals. Your FRIEND (who has been there, done that) for INSPIRING your child through an EXAM. Your Child's TEACHER for CERTAIN Learning objectives. A Mentor to TEACH your child (un)COMMON SENSE. A coach to SHOW your child the Way. Your Child's FRIENDS to teach him SOCIAL SKILLS. YOUR dad, to teach your child HISTORY of your FAMILY. YOUR GRANDMA to TEACH him Service to Elders. And so on like that... Small, small deliberate goals...for which you need a COMMUNITY of your CHOOSING. The key is to be DELIBERATE and PLAN ahead while sourcing for your PARENTING PARTNERS. It's your GOAL, not theirs. It's their STYLE not YOURS. It's their TIME not YOURS. AND YES, Its your CHILD, not theirs! It takes more than love to parent a child.”

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“Your school can do much more about Potential Development. Many schools focus on grades. That's cool. You can focus on potential development. That's better! Cos you get more benefits. For one such students get good grades in line with their potential. Cos they will be learning skills that make them better in many ways. Your teachers have different abilities, skills, motivation and giftings. Many of which are very relevant for developing student potential. Many schools put those to use only during sports. They assign the "sport-ish" teachers to sports days. And leave other teachers to watch. What about listing areas you generally want your students to be developed in? Areas that are based on the school vision and mission statements. Then assign EACH teacher an area or sub area - the teacher directly or indirectly looks to develop students in his or her area. Some kind of division of labour. A focused kinda style for making students meet your expectations. Many times, you find that schools can do more.”

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“When you use control tactics in parenting or teaching a child, you create some level of resistance AND some level of compliance. Over time compliance WOULD be more than RESISTANCE or RESISTANCE more than COMPLIANCE. Either way, you would LOSE something! RESPECT! When you force compliance in this way, the resistance that comes with it no matter how small would result in a big enough resistance that it becomes DISRESPECT. Then with that DISRESPECT will come LACK OF CONFIDENCE in your ABILITY to parent and TEACH that child. And gradually, you would have a RESISTANCE - so big it BECOMES RESENTMENT. If your goal is compliance and you value the relationship with that child, CONTROL TACTICS aren't worth it. You would END UP messing the CHILD UP - in more ways than ONE! And you would GET A BAD NAME, which sadly, you are DESERVING OF.”

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“Just like cars and other products have models that look alike, a school's students MUST ALL look alike. Their uniforms. Their textbooks. Their bags (Yeah) Their capabilities (Yes) Their "content of character" The kinds of students in your school must be similar ENOUGH to "look alike". They must CONFORM to a standard that guarantees that they look alike. Teachers must use systems and SOPs that guarantees that the student look alike. The goal is simple. Many schools don't get this. Vision statements, mission statements, tagline and all when used well guarantees that ALL students look alike.”

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“Many students don't do well in School because they don't know you expect them to do well They want to do well, but it doesn't seem so important to do so. They don't have reasons to. You don’t give them reasons to. And worse you don't even ask them to. Indecision - Shulai or shulai not? Is it worth it? What's the point? Questions like that sap a Student's enegy and motivation. Plus affect his emotions. Schools who use anthems where students "say they pledge to do well and be diligent and so on" yet they aren't held RESPONSIBLE for their pledge are messing these kids up. It's like taking an oath and not caring to fulfill it. It's like conditioning a person to not take pledge seriously. I pledge to NIGERIA my country... How many of us all stay true to that pledge? The issue is if a thing is important to YOU as a parent or school enough for you to get your child or students to pledge it or promise it, then you MUST FOLLOW IT UP. Underachievers need to MAKE decision to be better day in day out. GIVE them a CHOICE. One that can FUEL their achievements.”

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“You are responsible for any underachieving person in your Care Their failure? That's on you. Their success? That's on you. Their day to day life is on you...except if you don't WANT that! Then, It's okay to LET THEM BE. If you choose to do the work however, you are not ALLOWED to blink let alone STOP. You are practically in a RELATIONSHIP with an underachieving child, husband, wife or friend that entails you GETTING USED. And yes you may need some USING yourself. That's where it hurts. Underachieving Persons are everywhere and all over because it takes SUSTAINABLE work to get to them. Your work isn't to do everything and anything for them. Far from it. They are doing poorer than expected ONLY because they CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY choose to. So they would BLEED you dry and tire you out until you can get them to CHOOSE to FLY instead of SINK in their real or imagined PAIN. Your efforts should be to EVOKE emotions that make them make the BEAUTIFUL CHOICE to negate the OLD CHOICE. FOR THIS, all you need is an AGREEMENT. Get them to AGREE in the presence of a witness. Consider the SKILLS they need to LEARN. Provided REQUIRED resources. GIVE them enough time to COME THROUGH. The AGREEMENT is the MOST IMPORTANT. A solid AGREEMENT. If you have the capacity to get them to AGREE you have made more progress than you ever will forcing a change in their attitudes by using CONTROL tactics. It's why sitting them down works. It's why providing guidance works. It's why punishment doesn't...especially if it doesn't elicit a SOLID AGREEMENT. Without an AGREEMENT all your effort may come to waste or still their achievement will be lower than expected. Well, a miracle could happen. Say they make the choice on their own. Or as a result of a divine encounter. And Yes, they aren't foolish. Just people who have sworn to be mediocre...unconsciously or unconsciously!”

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“You see, because parents contribute to their children's underachievement, many teachers “Judge, Lecture and Compete” with them as a way of working on the case. Instead of this, you should Support, mentor and Partner. The idea is to Support not judge. Mentor not Lecture and Partner not Compete. Judging parents wouldn’t get you anywhere especially if those parents are underachievers themselves. Instead look out for ways to support them say by providing the needed information for them to do better. Instead of lecturing them it is better to mentor them –plus you would automatically gain a position as a mentor instead of a critic and they would look up to you as such and lastly, remember, these children are theirs so don’t compete with them on that, instead partner with them concerning these students. In Medical School, there is said to be a protocol taught to nurses and doctors and other relevant hospital personnel to deal with upset persons. It contains 6 steps or ideas , you should look into the protocol and come up with something similar. What better place is there to learn how upset persons who usually are the cause of their problems are than the hospital”

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“Are Class Captains and School Prefects managers or leaders? Schools miss it when they assign a student to discipline other students. Class captains and school prefects are leaders not managers. A Leader is on A MISSION not on A DUTY. And being a leader goes beyond expecting compliance from others, which is what managers do. If your school assigns prefect to enforce compliance in any way you are doing it all wrong. For one, seeking compliance from anyone is complicated and it comes with a position that "demands" respect and thus you are putting such children at a risk of being hated by their peers. Prefect should be examples not authority figures, plus they should be trained to act like leaders should, if you also don't train them, you are doing it too wrong. Here are some of those "things" you should train your prefect: 1. Active listening 2. How to help their peers and other students find meaning in learning 3. How to make others students wellbeing and safety their priority. 4. How to inspire others and lead by example. Charity begins from school too. Your prefects can learn people skills that can guarantee their future right from your school. Your prefects should be assets to your school because of what they can learn to do now to become better in future not because of what they can do for your school now, which obviously is very little.”

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“Many of the issues you have with your some of your students are not a reflection of how qualified you are as a teacher but more about how qualified you are as a leader and manager. Many students hide their pain behind school work. Many Students are too confused to pay attention to what you are teaching. And they are not confused about what you are teaching cos they aren't even listening to you. Their mind is far away. Far away from all of the things you try to make them see. Like someone in a trance. So your problem is not you and your qualifications. The problem is you and your professionalism on the job. A professional teacher knows when students are having real time issues that didn't start from school. He knows when they came to school with them. And when they left it all at home. He knows that even when school is the problem, the problem is usually bigger than school. He knows that until the student gets his acts together, not much progress would happen. In school and in other places. Plus he knows that whatever he does to help the student must be sustainable. Or the student would go right one day And wrong the next. Then may be wrong, wrong, wrong for a while again before going right again. Worse, right may never happen. The will of the child is more important than the school of the child. Even though the choice of school can shape the will. The art of teaching is way beyond the writings on the board and the notes in the bags. It is more about working on the mind and the shaping of destinies.”

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