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Mr. Perfect on Paper

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Jean Meltzer

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“But, what I learned from this journey, from finding my real-life Mr. Perfect Paper, is that love isn't something that can be quantified on a list. Love is messy. And terrifying. It shows up whwn you least expect it, and complicates your life in every way. But it's also...safe. And comforting. It allowas you to be yourself completely, without judgement or fear, and it feels right. I don't know how something so incredibly scary can also feel right, but I need to give this inkling in my heart--in my soul--a chance.”

“There are only three kinds of relationships in the animal kingdom. The first is commensalism. One example: Fish finding hiding spots in coral reefs. Fish profit, but life for the coral doesn’t change. Then there’s mutualism, a relationship where both animals benefit from each other. The tricky thing about animals is you don’t always know what kind of relationship you’re in. Which brings me to relationship number three. The parasitic.”

“For the last few weeks I've had something to look forward to, something to give my life at least a bit of purpose, rather than sitting on a train for nearly three hours a day and going home to an argument and food designed for five-year-olds. It's been months since anyone has taken an interest in me. I haven't talked to anyone for years like we’ve talked. I mean, really talked?”

“It just so happens to be true. We've drifted apart recently. I can't tell her about you because she wouldn't understand that we can be just friends. Anyway, I'm a hopeless liar, it's best just to tell her nothing: Admittedly, he was getting better at lying. Practice certainly does make imperfect.”

“Men and women can't be just friends. Two minutes ago we were talking just like friends and the next minute I'd stepped over the boundary and we were discussing things that friends shouldn't. It's only another small step for mankind for us to be doing things that friends shouldn't either. And by tomorrow I'll have forgotten what I said and we'll be back to boss and secretary again. Yet you'll think of it every time you see my desk piled high with paperwork. That's the difference between men and women.”