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I hope this reaches her in time

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r.h. Sin

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“I tried to use relationships to cope with my drug problem and drugs to cope with my relationship problem, round and round again. The relationships I developed would make things better when things were going well, but as soon as they began to falter, my integrity and self-worth would crumble as well.”

IntegritySelf WorthCope
Book:Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose
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“67. One Day When There Were Several People in the Empress’s Presence One day when there were several people in the empress’s presence, including many senior courtiers and young noblemen, I was leaning against a pillar, chatting with some of the other women. Suddenly Her Majesty threw a note at me. “Should I love you or should I nor?” it said. “What will you do if I cannot give you first place in my heart?” No doubt she was thinking of recent conversations when I had remarked in her hearing, “If I do not come first in people’s affections, I had just soon not be loved at all; in fact I would rather be hated or even maltreated. It is better to be dead than to be loved in second or third place. Yes, I must be first.” Hearing this, someone had said, “There we have the Single Vehicle of the Law!” and everyone had burst out laughing. Now the Empress gave me a brush and some paper. I wrote the following note and handed it to her: “Among the Nine Ranks of lotus seats even the lowliest would satisfy me.” “Well, well,” said the Empress, “you seem to have lost heart completely. That’s bad. I prefer you to go on thinking as you did before.” “My attitude depends on the person in question,” I replied. “That’s really bad,” she said, much to my delight. “You should try to come first in the affections of even the most important people.”

LoveHumilityIntegrityAdmirationApprovalBeing Loved By Others
Book:The pillow-book of Sei Shōnagon
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