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The Star-Touched Queen

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Roshani Chokshi

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“Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read to the end just to find out who killed the cook. Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark, in spite of your intelligence, your sophistication. Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot, the one you beat to the punchline, the door, or the one who left you in your red dress and shoes, the ones that crimped your toes, don’t regret those. Not the nights you called god names and cursed your mother, sunk like a dog in the livingroom couch,b chewing your nails and crushed by loneliness. You were meant to inhale those smoky nights over a bottle of flat beer, to sweep stuck onion rings across the dirty restaurant floor, to wear the frayed coat with its loose buttons, its pockets full of struck matches. You’ve walked those streets a thousand times and still you end up here. Regret none of it, not one of the wasted days you wanted to know nothing, when the lights from the carnival rides were the only stars you believed in, loving them for their uselessness, not wanting to be saved. You’ve traveled this far on the back of every mistake, ridden in dark-eyed and morose but calm as a house after the TV set has been pitched out the upstairs window. Harmless as a broken ax. Emptied of expectation. Relax. Don’t bother remembering any of it. Let’s stop here, under the lit sign on the corner, and watch all the people walk by.”

“No, Sully'd decided long ago to abstain from all but the most general forms of regret. He allowed himself the vague wish that things had turned out differently, without blaming himself that they hadn't, any more than he'd blamed himself when his 1-2-3 triple never ran like it should at least once. It didn't pay to second-guess every one of life's decisions, to pretend to wisdom about the past from the safety of the present, the way so many people did when they got older.”

“-Zamanaşımına uğrayarak hiçbir anlamı kalmamış eski kağıtlara, mektuplara ve yazılara dalmak kadar insanı çökerten bir başka şeyin var olabileceğini düşünemiyorum. Ne kadar geçmişin külleri, ne kadar unutulmuş şeyler, ne kadar boşa çıkmış tasarılar, ne kadar sönmüş aşklar söz konusudur bunlarda! Sanki araştırmak için mezarından çıkardığım, kadavralaşmış kendi genç bedenimdi ve bu kadavra kimi zaman masumiyetiyle insanın yüreğini parçalar gibi oluyorsa da kabul etmeliyim ki her zaman mis gibi koktuğu da söylenemezdi.- O, Theobald ya da Kusursuz Cinayet”

“Are you all right? With your Guild, I mean?" Alain considered the question. "They suspect me of being attracted to a Mechanic. They are right, but so far lack proof. They do not suspect that I love you, or who you are, but I have no doubt of what they will do if they discover either of those things." "Oh, blazes." Mari lowered her head to rest her brow against the cool stone of the fortification. "I have ruined your life." "You have given me back my life.”