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The Girl I Last Loved

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Smita Kaushik

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“I can’t take the ring. It means—it means too much to you. It’s all you have left of them.” “That’s why it’s better if you have it,” he said, and held out the box, cupped in one hand.“Because you can make it a better memory. I can barely look at this thing without seeing the past. I don’t want to see the past anymore. I want to see the future.” He didn’t blink, and she felt the breath leave her body. “You’re the future, Claire.”

“You are a bright light, Elli.’ His own breath hitches, a sound that I cannot quite grasp. His eyes are darkening, his lips tightening. His hands grasp me tighter and he moves closer, his mouth inches from mine, I can almost taste the sweetness and saltiness of his scent, the rich coffee beans and sugar, the vague spearmint. I say nothing, I’m not even sure I’m breathing. ‘You shouldn’t have to see such pain, such blackness. You are too pure.’ His lips do not collide with mine, his skin does not brush against me, only his voice sends a shiver down every notch in my spine, trailing goose bumps over my skin. He tilts his head to the side, his lips gently brushing against my ear. And that is all. I’m not good enough for him. I’m not. That’s why… that’s why… ‘Too pure…”

“Have you ever been in love, Alison?" He leaned in and draped his arm along the back of her chair. "I'm not talking about a crush or infatuation. I'm talking about where you'd do anything for someone. Can't stop thinking about them. Be there if they were sick or just needed a shoulder to lean on. Someone you wanted to wake up to every single day and couldn't wait until you saw them again at night. Someone who made you feel like you're everything you've ever wanted to be.”

“I have a lot of boo-boos, cowboy." "Maybe I should kiss them." He leaned forward, brushed his lips against her forehead, just above the stitches over her eyebrow. She held up her arm where there was an abrasion. "Hurts here too." He kissed the spot. "And here." She pointed to her mouth. He kissed her with a pressure as light as the brush of a butterfly's wing. She thought of a hundred places on her body she wanted him to kiss. "I hurt all over.”