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“...it is always a bit of a gut punch to realize that someone you have been sitting next to for months or even years secretly harbors view that deny your basic humanity as a black woman. No matter how many times it happens, I have yet to get used to it. ...I really really wanted this to be just a matter of misunderstanding. I really wanted this to be a case where he just didn't know how harmful everyday racism is, and once he did, he would change his mind...It seemed far more important to him that the white people who were spreading and upholding racism be spared the effects of being called racist, than sparing his black friend the effects of that racism. ...That was when I learned that this was not a friend I could take to about this really important part of my life. I couldn't be my full self around him, and he would never truly have my back. He was not safe. I wasn't angry, I was heartbroken.” — Ijeoma Oluo