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Heraclitus

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“I’m also doing it because I’m terrified,” I said. Daniel watched me a moment. “Of what?” He said “oh,” I said. “Everything. But mostly my impermanence.” His eyes searched my face. “Some people are comforted by that,” I said. “Not me. I like existing. At least most of the time. I like having a body. I want to keep it. But someday I won’t have anymore. That’s unsettling.” I look at the chip railing on the dock. “And I’m scared of being buried underground where worms and bugs will digest my remains. I know I won’t be conscious, but still. Does that sound pleasant to you? I’m scared of being burned into a pile of oxidized matter. I’m scared of rioting and decaying.” I was building up steam now. “I’m scared that I don’t matter, even a little bit, and that no one matters and nothing matters. I’m scared that it all matters and I’m effing it up. I’m scared I’m living my short life wrong in every possible way. I’m scared I’ve already made so many mistakes and I don’t have enough time to fix them. I’m scared I won’t die with the slightest amount of dignity, like on the toilet or watching bravo. I’m scared no one will care when I do. I’m scared the only person I ever loved wasn’t real. I’m scared I will never get over him. And I’m scared I’m making the same mistake again.”

HeartbreakSpiraling
Book:Things I'm Seeing Without You
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“4th prince, Life is like a dream, continuously changing…But the days pass soundlessly…It’s hard to forget one’s foolish longings. When someone told me very calmly that he wanted the throne, he already held the key to my heart. When he threw away the umbrella and endured and suffered the rain with me, I had opened the door to my heart for him. When he protected me by using his own body to block the arrow, I would never forget him in this life. Everything that happened after that only drew me in deeper…If there is love, there is anger. If there is love, there is hate. If there is love, there is obsession. If there is love, there is longing. Since we parted, there has been nothing but hate, anger, and longing transforming into inches of memories. I don’t know if you still resent me… …in Ruo Xi’s heart, there is no emperor, only the 4th Prince who has stolen my soul. We love, we miss, we don’t meet…Everyday, I wait for your arrival... -Ruo Xi”

LoveRomanceLossHeartbreakLongingEternal Love
Book:Bu Bu Jing Xin/步步惊心
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