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Quote by Chidi Ejeagba

“The real awakening has nothing to with spirituality and everything to do with mentality.”

Quote by Chidi Ejeagba

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“Look, I know this is the last thing you want to talk about, but I wanted to ask you . . . .” He trailed off, looking strangely uneasy. “Ask me . . . ?” Ask me to dinner? Ask me out for drinks? Ask me if I wanted to see what he looked like under that uniform? Yow, where’d that last one come from?”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“Lying on the metal table in front of me was a middle-aged man decked out in absolutely nothing at all. A dead man. Buck-ass naked with his little shriveled junk right there for everyone to see.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. “Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They’re evil. I highly recommend them.” “Heh. The cop is recommending evil,” I said. “Too funny.” To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. “You’ve discovered my dark side.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“Hey, look, I thought with a miserable laugh, this day just got worse.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“Three hours ago I was in bed, I thought miserably. I should have stayed there.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“Good morning!” my partner, Derrel, said in an insanely cheerful voice. “I need my Angel to come out and play.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“The smell was like chocolate and cookies and biscuits and gravy and everything else that was delicious. It damn near drove me crazy every time I had to touch one. I’d been fighting the cravings the way I’d never fought the urge to take drugs or get drunk.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“Hey,” I said before he could say anything else that would make the mood even weirder or break it entirely. “You wanna grab some coffee or something someday? I mean, some time when I’m not crawling with maggots,” I added with a laugh that sounded nervous to my own ears and probably sounded desperate and pathetic to his. I totally braced myself for him to hem and haw and say that he couldn’t or had a girlfriend or something. I was shocked instead when he gave me a nod. “That sounds nice. And I’m cool with the no maggots thing too.”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“All of a sudden it seemed as if I could smell the brain, and not in a oh-how-gross way, but as if someone had taken the lid off a pot of gumbo to let the aroma fill the room. And I knew it was the brain that smelled so utterly enticing—knew it with every single cell of my being. What the hell was wrong with me?”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie

“I grabbed my napkin and managed to pretend to sneeze which had the added effect of covering up most of my face which was surely completely beet red with embarrassment at this point. Yeah, I was classy and suave like that. Jesus Christ, Angel, get a grip!”

Humor Irony Death Zombie

Book:My Life as a White Trash Zombie

Source: My Life as a White Trash Zombie