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Becoming True Friends In A Turbulent World

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John Arthur

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“A classic 1950 study evaluated the friendships that developed among 260 married veterans in a student housing project at MIT. People were randomly assigned to live in apartments in small two-story housing blocks at the beginning of the school year. Researchers measured the distance between everyone’s front doors. Then they tracked who became friends with whom. Students did not randomly link up and form friendships. They were much more likely to become friends with their next-door neighbors and with people who lived on the same hallway than with those on another floor. Residents of units separated by as little as 180 feet never became friends. Those living in end-of-corridor units were also less popular, because they didn’t meet up with as many people in passing. And the only students who made friends with people on other floors were the ones who lived close to stairwells.”

FriendshipBehaviourEnvironmental Influence
Book:Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick
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“Alright, I’m not fine. Does it change anything?” He began absently wrapping a length of rope . She blinked. “Of course it does! There are people that care about you, who want to help you carry your struggles. You pretend everything is fine when it’s not!” “You’re right. It’s not fine, because nothing in this world is. There’s pain, there’s death, and there’s nothing we can do to change it,” James snapped.”

CarePainFriendship
Book:A Noble Heart
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“We talk so openly, so freely, about body shame, as we rightly should, but we don’t talk about the shame that comes from constantly seeing other people having loving, consistent, reliable friendships as though everyone has that and if you don’t, that’s super weird, what’s wrong with you? That relational shame. What does it say about you that you couldn’t easily find four to five people who all understand you constantly, make you feel seen, anticipate every possible need, and try at all costs to protect you from experiencing pain? And if someone caused you to feel pain, why didn’t they swoop in and hold you while you cried for days, which is always what happens to everyone of course. Why couldn’t you find that, so easily, at the local corner store, like everyone else on earth did, you genuine freak?”

FriendshipNonfiction Self Help
Book:You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult
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“What are you going to do? After we graduate. I don't know. Work in a university if I can. This phrase, 'if I can,' made it clear that Bobbi was trying to tell me something serious, something that couldn't be communicated in words but instead through a shift in the way we related to each other. Not only was it nonsense for Bobbi to say 'if I can' at the end of her sentence, because she came from a wealthy family, read diligently, and had good grades, but it didn't make sense in the context of our relationship either. Bobbi didn't relate to me in the 'if I can' sense. She related to me as a person, maybe the only person, who understood her ferocious and frightening power over circumstances and people. What she wanted, she could have, I knew that.”

Friendship
Book:Conversations with Friends
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