“It is essential that the loved ones involved with compulsive gamblers understand and believe that nothing they do or say will cause the gamblers to gamble, or make the gamblers stop gambling. They can encourage the gamblers to stop gambling with appropriate words and actions, but they cannot make the gamblers stop. Only the gamblers can do that.”
Source: GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
“What many people grieve after divorce is not only the relationship, but the self that existed within it.”
Source: When We Becomes Me: A Psychotherapist’s Guide to the Beginning, the Messy Middle, and the Other Side of Divorce
“When the gamblers lie, tell the gamblers you don't believe the lie. Avoid the argument by stopping the conversation. Do this by leaving the room, hanging up the phone, taking a drive, or making a phone call to a Gam-Anon friend. When the gamblers ask for money, say NO, no matter what the gamblers say will happen if they don't get the money. Don't pay the gamblers' debts. Protect your finances, family finances, and/or business finances from the gamblers so they no longer have access. Stop keeping the gambling a secret from those you are trying to protect. Separate love and trust. Acknowledge that the feelings of fear and guilt will not go away immediately. Don't show the fear. Hide the guilt. Act as if your fear and guilt do not exist. They are a source of manipulation and control for the gamblers. Speak the truth: 'You are a compulsive gambler. I love you, but I will not give you any money. I will not gamble with you or listen to your gambling experiences. I will not lie for you. I will not make excuses for you. I will not argue with you to convince you to stop gambling. That is your decision. The solutions to your problems are at Gamblers Anonymous.”
Source: GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
“In the event that our abstaining gamblers relapse, in spite of whatever excuses they give for doing so, the truth is that their return to gambling has nothing to do with us.”
Source: GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
“I have detached with love from my mom and dad who are in their 80's now. I do not participate in discussions of their financial situation. I let them work out their own issues and have discovered that I can have a loving relationship with them that doesn't involve gambling activity and behavior.”
Source: GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
“My wife stopped gambling, but money is a trigger for her. As soon as we get a tax refund or any extra money, I can see the excitement in her eyes. It is as if she had a "big win.” She never wants to do anything practical or useful with the money.”
Source: GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
“This book is focused on preventing the despairing gambler from committing suicide.”
Source: Gambling Addiction: The complete guide to survival, treatment, and recovery from gambling addiction.
“The twelve-step program has no benefit to a dead person. In order to recover, the addict must stay alive.”
Source: Gambling Addiction: The complete guide to survival, treatment, and recovery from gambling addiction.
“Slot-machine addicts don’t commit suicide because they have lost all their money, or feel guilt, or shame, or feel weak or are tired of lying. They commit suicide when they finally conclude that they will never be able to quit gambling, that no amount of will power or treatment will ever help them to stop. They commit suicide when they finally decide that all hope is gone.”
Source: Gambling Addiction: The complete guide to survival, treatment, and recovery from gambling addiction.
“It is possible for all slot machine addicts to stop playing. There is no one path to that outcome. Everyone is different. The paths are long and hard and full of failure. But if you keep trying, you can get there. Something will eventually work. Know that, stay alive, and don't give up.”
Source: Gambling Addiction: The complete guide to survival, treatment, and recovery from gambling addiction.