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Hard to Be Good

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Laura Kaye

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“He didn't wait for her to answer. He gripped her by the hips and thrust himself against her, driving his massive black piston deep into her. I'll never forget the look on her face when he did that. Astonishment, wonder, shock and desire all seemed to rise from deep within her as he filled her with his manhood. I watched her face, stared into her eyes as Alistair plowed his way into parts of her that were, until that day, untouched. "Does it feel good?" I whispered, breaking her trance. "Oh Ken," she sighed, her expression turning to what might be regret. "It feels so amazing. I've never felt so full.”

“Sanna measured the apple juice into a large glass beaker and added it to the carboy, swirling a cheery red- like Santa's suit. She wrote down the amount in her notebook and did the same with the next juice, this one a bold sapphire blue, which mixed with the red into a vivid purple. When it came to cider, colors and flavors blended together for her. She knew she had the right blend when it matched the color she had envisioned. It wasn't scientific- and it didn't happen with anything else Sanna tasted- but here, with her beloved trees, it worked. She carefully tracked the blends in her journal. The sun streamed through the window, lighting up the colors in the carboy like Christmas lights. She was close- one more juice should do it. She closed her eyes, calling to mind all the juices in the barn's cooler and their corresponding colors. Every juice she tasted from their apples had a slightly different hue, differing among individual varieties, but even varying slightly from tree to tree. When she was twenty-four, she had stood at the tall kitchen counter tasting freshly pressed juices she had made for the first time with the press she had unearthed from the old barn. Her plan had originally been to sell them in the farm stand, but she wanted to pick the best. As she sipped each one, an unmistakable color came to mind- different for each juice- and she finally understood the watercolor apple portraits above the fireplace. They were proof she wasn't the only family member who could see the colors. After she explained it to her dad, he smiled. "I thought you might have the gift." "You knew about this?" "It's family legend. My dad said Grandpa could taste colors in the apples, but no one in my lifetime has been able to, so I thought it might be myth. When you returned home after college- the way you were drawn to Idun's- I thought you might have it." He had put his hands on the side of her face. "This means something good, Sanna." "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't I know before?" "Would you have believed me?" "I've had apple juice from the Rundstroms a thousand times. Why can't I see that with theirs?" "I think it has something to do with apples from our land. We're connected to it, and it to us." Sanna had always appreciated the sanctuary of the orchard, and this revelation bonded Sanna like another root digging into the soil, finding nourishment. She'd never leave. After a few years of making and selling apple juice, Sanna strolled through the Looms wondering how these older trees still produced apples, even though they couldn't sell them. They didn't make for good eating or baking- Einars called them spitters. Over the years, the family had stopped paying attention to the sprawling trees since no one would buy their fruit- customers only wanted attractive, sweet produce. Other than the art above the mantel, they had lost track of what varieties they had, but with a bit of research and a lot of comparing and contrasting to the watercolors and online photos, Sanna discovered they had a treasure trove of cider-making apples- Kingston Black, Ashton Bitter, Medaille d'Or, Foxwhelp, her favorite Rambo tree, and so many more. The first Lunds had brought these trees to make cider, but had to stop during Prohibition, packing away the equipment in the back of their barn for Sanna to find so many years later. She spent years experimenting with small batches, understanding the colors, using their existing press and carboys to ferment. Then, last year, Einars surprised her with plans to rebuild the barn, complete with huge fermentation tanks and modern mills and presses. Sanna could use her talent and passion to help move their orchard into a new phase... or so they had hoped.”

“...совпадение в уровне образования, знаний, идеальных устремлений и помыслов, какое Ты, похоже, считаешь необходимым для счастливого брака, на мой взгляд, во-первых, почти невозможно, во-вторых, несущественно, а в-третьих, даже неблагоприятно и нежелательно. Чего требует брак, так это человеческого единения, то есть согласия ещё задолго до всех мнений, согласия, которое нельзя проверить, можно только почувствовать - это невынужденная необходимость двоих людей быть вместе. Необходимость, ничуть не нарушающая свободы каждого из них, ибо нарушает эту свободу только вынужденная необходимость сосуществования с другими людьми, из которого и состоит большая часть нашей жизни.”

“К чему стремиться изменять людей, Фелиция? Это неправильно. Людей надо принимать такими, как есть, или оставлять в покое. Изменить их нельзя, можно разве что внести в их натуру сумбур и смуту. Человек ведь не состоит из отдельных частей, так, чтобы любую можно было изъять и заменить чем-то другим. В человеке, напротив, всё - одно целое, дёрнешь за один кончик, а получается, что против воли дёрнул и за другой.”