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“What is the overgiver getting out of this obviously imbalanced arrangement? Or at least, what do they think they’re getting? Because nobody overgives for no reason—even if those reasons are deeply hidden or disguised as acts of pure altruism. So what is the payoff, exactly? In my case, the payoff has always been love—or at least, the desperate hope of love. And how far am I willing to go—how much will I extend myself, exhaust myself, burn myself out, or manipulate, seduce, soothe, manage, and control others—in order to get my own hidden needs and hungers met? Are you kidding me? To earn love? I will give up everything I have. I will overgive myself right to the edge of annihilation. But only always.” — Elizabeth Gilbert
What is the overgiver getting out of this obviously imbalanced arrangement?
Or at least, what do they think they’re getting?
Because nobody overgives for no reason—even if those reasons are deeply hidden or disguised as acts of pure altruism.
So what is the payoff, exactly?
In my case, the payoff has always been love—or at least, the desperate hope of love.
And how far am I willing to go—how much will I extend myself, exhaust myself, burn myself out, or manipulate, seduce, soothe, manage, and control others—in order to get my own hidden needs and hungers met?
Are you kidding me?
To earn love?
I will give up everything I have.
I will overgive myself right to the edge of annihilation.
But only always.