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“An Introduction to Poetry Readings" Preaching to the converted, the tormented and perverted Introspective melancholics, axe-grinding alcoholics Welcome to a night of wine and words! Who's that in the corner? What a beret! What panache! He's erudite and horny and he's high on cheap grenache Fruity and mellifluous, he thinks he is mischievous He's just a prick and devious, you'd better watch your back For the arts are very crafty, then the room turns blank and drafty And there's agonizing boredom still to come Direct from minds like hovels, poems twice the length of novels You may never see your family alive again God is dead and who can blame him? When there's nights like this to shame him If I was him I'd rise and just strike back But the evening's just begun, and there's two hours yet to come So please, "Put your hands together for the first poet for this evening!” — Nasty Nigel Lawrence