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Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side

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Charlie Bynar

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“What do you mean? I don’t understand,” Hazel asked, wiping her tears. “Why couldn’t he apologize? All he had to do was say he was sorry and stop drinking. It’s not that difficult! But he did neither; he just abandoned me and all you kids.” “It’s harder than you think because we’re talking about two different kinds of apologies; one stems from guilt and the other from shame. Let me explain. Suppose I accidentally spilled coffee on Ethel’s favorite tablecloth. I’d immediately apologize for my mistake and wash it to make sure it didn’t leave a stain,” Shane said. “This type of apology is simple because it only draws into question a single accident. I’m guilty only of making a mistake. But things get much more complicated when an apology draws into question someone’s self-worth. Then we’re talking about shame—the feeling that I am bad rather than I did something bad.”

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Book:Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side
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“People who do the worst things often don’t apologize, because it requires them to face their actions, which causes them to question their self-worth. To avoid that, they turn a blind eye to their actions and superficially prop themselves up by blaming others because if they face their actions, their low selfworth places them on thin ice. The fear of falling through and drowning in profound shame and self-loathing causes them to deflect their responsibility out of self-preservation. It’s easier to blame others or abandon the situation altogether than face their actions.”

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“I’m not sure I understand,” Hazel said, holding back her anger. “You’re saying I’m supposed to forgive him even though he never said he was sorry?” “Yes, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for yourself. Don’t let any person or situation make you into someone you don’t want to be!”

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Book:Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side
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“I’m not sure I understand,” Hazel said, holding back her anger. “You’re saying I’m supposed to forgive him even though he never said he was sorry?” “Yes, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for yourself. Don’t let any person or situation make you into someone you don’t want to be!” Shane said. “Hasn’t he taken enough from you already? Let him carry the burden of his actions when he crosses over. . . . They’re not yours to carry, and holding on to them only robs you of your happiness. If you can forgive him, knowing he will own his actions during his life review when he crosses over, it will set you free from the heavy burden of being judge and jury.”

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Book:Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side
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“Charlie took her phone from her back pocket. She opened the 2009 report “Many Americans Mix Multiple Faiths” by the Pew Research Center, scrolled two-thirds of the way down the page, and showed it to Chris. It read: “Roughly three in ten Americans (29%) say they have felt in touch with someone who has died.” “I would have never guessed that,” Chris exclaimed. “That’s almost one in three people who say they’ve been in contact with someone dead!” “I was surprised too,” Charlie said. “And a man named Peter Fenwick, a neuropsychologist and former senior lecturer at King’s College who’s known for his near-death studies, says that deathbed visitors are common and usually involve first-degree relatives or spouses. He also said deathbed visions echo the person’s ‘cultural background’ and have been reported throughout history. What really surprised me was that he thinks the brain is a filter . . . that it filters out the greater whole, leaving only a tiny piece of what we refer to as our world and everything in it. And at the time of death, your consciousness separates from your brain, no longer needing the filter, and you merge with the cosmos—the whole—and become aware of all that is, was, and ever will be.”

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Book:Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side
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“All we need to worry about is reining our own horse, knowing others will be responsible if they find themselves waist-high in cockleburs. You can’t make people do the right thing. Sometimes, they need to get caught up in the cockleburs to learn their lessons.”

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Book:Through the Darkness: A Story of Love from the Other Side
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