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Allison Bottke Biography

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“Only when our adult children are forced to face the consequences of their own actions - their own choices - will it finally begin to sink in how deep their patterns of dependence and avoidance have become. And only then will we as parents be able to take the next step to real healing, forever ending our enabling habits and behaviors.”

“We must stop trying to change their behaviors by making choices for them and by shielding them from the painful consequences of their actions or inaction. We cannot change them. ... Setting our adult children free to live the lives God intended them to live is not abandonment - even if it means setting them free during a time of severe trial and tribulation in their lives.”

“Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself. Enabling is doing for someone what he could and should be doing for himself. ...Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.”