“For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you'll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.” IfsYearsHas BeensEndsPastNightDrugChickensUsersSeventeenKentuckyFried ChickenLager Author:Ben Elton
“Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.” IfsMenHeartBodyCoursesRoomsEmotionWonderBreakCasesBloodLogicDisappearMusclesAchePumps Author:Ben Elton
“You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund” IfsBitsFundPensionOld Lady Author:Ben Elton
“No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.” PeopleIfsWaitingNaturalConversationCapableCollectionsTaxi Author:Ben Elton
“If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.” PeopleIfsLoveFeelsMadeWould BeHeavenIntenseMemorableUnrequited LoveObsessiveUnrequitedReciprocateIntense LoveLove StrengthStrength And Love Author:Ben Elton
“I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.” IfsGivingKindFactsOutrageousBillionaire Author:Ben Elton
“If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.” IfsWritingDoneEnoughHotPoliceAcademyAdvertsPolice Academy Author:Ben Elton
