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Billy Baker Quotes

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Famous Billy Baker Quotes

“What should young people do with their lives?' That's a good question, and the writer Kurt Vonnegut once came up with a good answer. 'Many things, obviously,' he said. 'But the most daring is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”

Loneliness Life Goals Community Building Vonnegut

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“...Freud's theory of self-determination...argues that human beings need three things in order to be content: They need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. He considered these three pillars--autonomy, competence, and community--to be intrinsic to human happiness.”

Community Authenticity Autonomy Human Happiness Freud Connection To Others Personal Competences

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“([Robin Dunbar] also found the optimal laughter group size is three people. For a conversation, the number is four.)”

Conversation Laughter Social Interaction

Author:Billy Baker

“The reality is that there are no successful loners in the history of social evolution. Being a solo survivalist is arduous and inefficient. Survival has only been accomplished in groups.”

Groups Loners Social Evolution

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“Ball busting [a friendly form of humor]...contains a fundamental flaw, one that has done immeasurable harm to the male psyche, and basically eliminated dance and music as potential outlets for bonding. That is the use of the term 'gaaay.' It's a form of self-policing, some fucked-up safe word that got called out if any behavior approached a level where it felt intimate or affectionate. Really anything that felt 'feminine,' and that list was long. It was not used to describe romantic attraction to another many--though it certainly insulted that entire idea in an inexcusable way--but instead was used to reinforce what Niobe Way, a psychology professor at NYU, calls the 'crisis of connection' among men. We so fear being called -gaaay- for making connections that are 'feminine' that we sacrifice intimacy for casual banter. It's a huge disconnect, perhaps the central one at the heart of the problems of with modern male bonding. And unlike many 'male' things, it cannot be blamed on genetics. It's cultural. It's learned.”

Gayness Male Friendship Male Bonding Male Intimacy

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“A best friend isn't a person. It's a tier. Mindy Kaling said this once on a television show... ...it's much better to think of best friend-ship as a tier, a podium that many can ascend rather than a pedestal belonging to one or two. Embracing this notion has allowed me to enjoy my new relationships without feeling like I'm betraying my old ones.”

Best Friendship Kaling

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“...the fundamental rule of male friendship [:] intent was the gesture, but activity was the glue.”

Male Friendship

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“In a wonderful essay for -Salon-, the sociologist Lisa Wade wrote that 'to be close friends, men need to be willing to confess their insecurities, to be kind to others, have empathy and sometimes sacrifice their own self-interest. "Real Men," though, are not supposed to do these things. They are supposed to be self-interested, competitive, non-emotional, strong (with no insecurities at all), and able to deal with their emotional problems without help. Being a good friend, then, as well as needing a good friend, is the equivalent of being girly.”

Male Friendship

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

“Just like that, we started to see each other most mornings, which meant we quickly went from two guys who liked each other and kept saying they wanted to hang out to actual full-blown bros. This of course meant that every woman who knew us...was falling over herself to label our relationship a 'bromance.' That's a term that was coined in the nineties by the skateboarding magazine -Big Brother- to describe skaters who spent a ton of time together, but it has morphed into a gentle insult for any guys who dare to get too close. It's not as condescending as 'bros,' and it doesn't cut quite as wrong as being shouted down with 'gaaay.' No, the bromance lived in the category of the oh-aren't-you-cute pat on the head.”

Bromance Male Friendship

Book:We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends

Source: We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends