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Deborah Moggach

Deborah Moggach Books

Film writer

Tulip Fever

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“Douglas Ainslie: Look. Can you hear yourself? Can you? Do you have any idea what a terrible person you have become? All you give out is this endless negativity, a refusal to see any kind of light and joy, even when it's staring you in the face, and a desperate need to squash any sign of happiness in me or... or... or... anyone else. It's a wonder that I don't fling myself at the first kind word or gesture that comes my way, but I don't, ou... ou... ou... out of some sense of dried-up loyalty and respect, neither of which I ever bloody get in return. Jean, his wife: [long pause] I checked my emails. There's one from Laura.”

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“I sit there. My breasts press against the cotton of my chemise; my thighs burn under my petticoat. I am conscious of my throat, my earlobes, my pulsing blood. My body is throbbing but this is because I have a fever. This is why I am aching, why I am both heavy and featherlight. The painter works. His eyes flick to me and back to his canvas. As he paints I feel his brush stroking my skin.... I am in bed with my sisters. I keep my eyes squeezed shut because I know he's sitting there, watching me. His red tongue flicks over his teeth. If I open my eyes the wolf will be there, sitting on his haunches beside my bed. My heart squeezes. I mutter my rosary... Holy Mary, Mother of God... I can feel his hot, meaty breath on my face. My hands cupping my budded breasts. I mutter faster, willing him to move closer.”

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Book:Tulip Fever
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