“Sometimes now, almost two decades later, when I'm walking around New York, I'll pass a building that floods me with memories of a john or a trick that I turned in whatever apartment window I find myself staring up at. I'll stand on the sidewalk, looking into a window where "Jeff" once stood and made his ever-coveted hundred bucks. I can see him straining to carry his suitcases of worry up to another apartment to make another coin to put in his piggy bank of shame. And I can see him leaving again a half hour later, with a pep in his step from being a little bit richer, but with the glassy-eyed worry that he's ruining himself in the process. And I want to rush across traffic to this young version of myself, grab him, and look him directly in the eyes. First, he'll probably be terrified of this older, puffier, thicker walking portrait of Dorian Gray before him, but once he stops screaming at the ghoulish glimpse into his future, I want to hold him and tell him, "This will all be worth it.” GayLgbtSex Work Book:Self-Sabotage: And Other Ways I’ve Spent My Time Source: Self-Sabotage: And Other Ways I’ve Spent My Time