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Katharina Volckmer Books

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The Appointment

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“I was alone, safe in the knowledge that my body had more or less ceased to exist in the face of this catastrophe. It was only much later [...] that I realised that no catastrophe, apart from maybe a final nuclear strike, would ever be big enough to free us from this curse. That even though we're in charge of this planet, we are its ugliest inhabitants, and that our longing for our own beauty will never cease, that we will never be content with the beauty in front of us. And yet I will never forget the feeling with which I ate that chocolate, [...] in that moment it was a sin without consequences. And I never gave up on the dream that one day my body wouldn't matter anymore.”

“For the first time in my life, I feel like I am being strong for the two of us, like I have broken free from those chains of lipstick and perfect hair and can take pride in my worn feet and the hair around my nipples. And I know that one day we will go shopping together and she will finally be proud of this body we both used to hate so much. I'm sure of it, because recently I have found it in my heart to forgive her. And because all of this is so very lonely sometimes, I have started to wear some of her old clothes, her cardigans and scarves--I was always too fat for everything else--and I think that's a sign that I have started to miss her in that place where I should have loved so long ago. And I admire nothing more than people who have found a way to love their mothers; I think it's the biggest challenge in life, the one thing that would make the world a better place.”