“It is like another five years of my life have passed, and it is as if I blacked out, because I cannot remember them, and I do not know why, yet maybe I do? I was there but my mind was elsewhere. I think about the past and relieve it while reliving it instead of being the mom, which I need and needed to be. I do not know where I was, where I have been, I was lost in my own body! Spinning- spinning- spinning around to the point of insanity, or so it seemed. Maybe my depression got the best of me? Maybe I was healing myself from the past; maybe, I do not know anything, and yet know it all. In those five years she became a teenager, when did that happen? She has hips and a chest. Plus, she wears more make-up than I do? When…! How…! What? Where have I been? Yeah, Jaylynn is a young lady, and I can see she is having the same dreadful existence in her life as I did when I was a young woman. Yes, I do see that, sad to say. It is interesting to watch children grow up in front of your eyes, I never knew how difficult, letting go could be. I remember when Jaylynn started to read. I remember when she went through the change to become a woman and we had that talk, little did I know she did not need it.” SadnessWorried Book:Nevaeh The Cursed Source: Nevaeh The Cursed
“My body is nothing to anyone- so why should I care what somebody does with it. The first day at school was the worst, he told all his friends about it. I mean that everyone knows, I thought we were in love, I thought we would have a family together. Maybe I am just a stupid girl for thinking that way. I thought he was the one, but I guess I was wrong. Will anybody ever come along and save me from this hell? Just remember that life is not like a romance novel, and it most likely never will be like that at all for anyone. We as a society have an impression of what is thought to be love, and that depiction is a joke. We build ourselves up for a letdown, no one or anything is perfect, and life is not fantasy. The reality always shows through in one way or another. We all have to find someone that is going to always be there for us, no matter what we have done or what has been said in the past. If we cannot be trusted by one another then it is never going to work. We want to enjoy spending time together, not worry about it, which is what real romance is about. I feel that I am still stepping foot into my drum cadence. I play my drum beats; others may join in when they find the right rhythm. If they are out of step with me, there is nothing wrong with playing a solo sometimes.” WorriedDisapproving Book:Nevaeh The Miracle Source: Nevaeh The Miracle
“Even though I feel them for him, I had to hold back, to know for sure. I just had to hold back. That’s we he drifted off… Why did he fall asleep on me? Was it because I’m boring or is he just exposed? My head thumping still, I know was not thinking clearly, so I staggered back down the long hallway back into the dwindling party. I see one of the double-hung windows. Without anyone observing I reach my hand forward and place it on the big old sill, there is an electric candle with a night light bulb sitting in the middle. I crack the window to let out the smoke and smells out, and to get some much-needed air. A fine stream of rain-sh snow is gusting in on my face, it’s cold but feels so-so good, even though it’s winter. Enjoying the freezing air and the sensation of a hundred of little sparkly flacks. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly and promised myself that I’ll never forget the moment I just had with him. Funny I wanted to forget about all the sound, the tacky lights, and smalls of my friends and their mindless hilarity that they're tittering about. For some reason… I wanted to forget about all the heated hookups and the many bodies that were around me. What surpasses me the most about this, is that this is what I lived for and sacrificed so much to gain… to have the gathering and wanting of others that are popular, it's everything I ever wanted. Yet it seemed at that moment, I was better off before not having it. Before I became this girl… the girl that I’m not… not truly on the inside. When I open my eyes, I get the shock of my life. My little sis is standing in the doorway, staring at me. With that look holding me. She must have snuck out and followed me to this party with some of her older girlfriends, she has been messing with the wrong crew lately. I knew what happened to her tonight just by looking at her face, I knew. And if I find that boy, I’ll rip his sagging balls off! Then again, I was not much older than her when I went to my first party. I was horrified, she was doing what I did, back when I felt like I was dying inside. I was dead long before I wound up dead. I just wonder if she feels the same…? I wonder if I am the cause. How would let her in… and how did she get so popular already?” WorriedTeenageDisapproving Book:Young Taboo Source: Young Taboo