“Do you know the difference between pain and suffering? Pain is about feeling real, appropriate, and valid hurt when something bad happens. Suffering is when you add extra dollops to that pain. You're feeling bad about feeling bad. So getting rid of suffering means you're not adding to the pain. You appropriately felt awkward and uncomfortable and regretful that that dinner party didn't go well. You appropriately feel annoyed and angry at one of your friends who is being prissy. You're just accepting of it all. And if the feeling stays, you ask, okay, why is this feeling still in me? And then, assume that there's incredible wisdom in your intuitions and just start listening to them. What is this? What is this thing in my body right now? What are you trying to teach me?” Life LessonsEmotionsComplex Trauma Book:What My Bones Know Source: What My Bones Know
“How about that. My struggles with C-PTSD made me more empathetic. They made me more attuned to what people needed and uniquely skilled in comforting them. Even the negative parts of my C-PTSD had a silver lining. It was true that when Joey was angry or upset, I had a hard time sitting with his pain and never let him sulk in peace. Instead, I'd nag and badger him until he told me exactly what was up. Once, fed up with me pawing at him like a squirrel analyzing a nut, he yelled, "Can't you just say, 'Hear you, that sucks' instead of trying to solve all of my problems? Not everything needs solving!" But days afterward, once he was feeling better, Joey often thanked me. "In the end, because you pester me, I tell you things I don't tell anyone else. And then the talks we have about my feelings change me for the better," he told me. "Nobody makes me feel cared for as much as you do." I wasn't loved in spite of my C-PTSD--but in part, because of it.” RelationshipsHealingComplex TraumaEmotional Intimacy Book:What My Bones Know Source: What My Bones Know
“Love is not a finite resource, something you have to mete out carefully like a package of Oreos. Instead, providing love begets more love, which begets more and more love. To my friends: Even in my loneliest, most painful moments, it was your love that shone through the dark. Your love kept me alive. Your love raised me. When I let your love in, it made me better. It taught me how to slowly become kinder and gentler, and then, as love tends to do, it multiplied and blossomed and taught me how to love myself, and how to love others.” LoveHealingComplex Trauma Book:What My Bones Know Source: What My Bones Know
“So this is healing, then, the opposite of ambiguous dread: fullness. I am full of anger, pain, peace, love, of horrible shards and exquisite beauty, and the lifelong challenge will be to balance all of those things, while keeping them in the circle. Healing is never final. It is never perfection. But along with the losses are the triumphs.” Healing Book:What My Bones Know Source: What My Bones Know
“Gratitude lifted my baseline mood up from being constantly seared by the pain of existence to living a largely satisfying life. Joy returned for the first time in a long time. I laughed easily, enjoyed the company of friends, hated myself less.” HappinessHealingGratitude Book:What My Bones Know Source: What My Bones Know