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Zakiya N. Jamal Books

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“I even tell them about the maybe-almost kiss, which gets a certified gasp out of Kerry. By the time I’m done, they both look shook, and Kerry has slid off the couch, squeezing in between Taylor and me on the floor. 'Let me see if I have this right,' Kerry says, pressing her hands together like she’s in prayer. 'You and Amira agree to be friends, things are going well, so well you think there’s a possibility she may even kiss you? Then she asks why you hate her, and your response is that you simply didn’t think it was beneficial to keep her around. Do I have that right?' 'That’s not exactly what I said,' I grumble. 'Tomatoes, to-mah-toes,' she says. 'That’s the general gist, then?' I sigh. 'Yes.”

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“Okay, cool.' Kerry turns to Taylor. 'Would you like to do the honors, or shall I?' 'I think you have this handled,' Taylor says, as she chews on another sour straw. 'Please proceed.' Kerry nods and then refocuses her attention on me. Smiling, she grabs the nearest pillow and bops me on the head before I even have a chance to dodge it. 'Ow!' I say, glaring at her..”

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“And here I thought you just hated her because she was annoying,' Taylor says into my hair. 'She is,' I say, but it comes out a laugh. 'Very annoying. And frustrating. She’s not supposed to be taking up so much of my brain space. This is what I mean!' There’s a beat of silence, and I can practically feel Kerry and Taylor have a silent conversation over my head. 'What?' I say, looking between them. 'Just say it.' 'Now, I don’t have too much experience in the crushes department,' Kerry begins, hesitantly. 'But you definitely sound like you have a crush on Amira,' Taylor finishes.”

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“I . . . what . . . no,' I stammer. 'No. We’re just friends. I like her as a friend now. That’s all.' 'Right, except that we’re friends,' Taylor says. 'And you have no problem juggling being friends with us and everything else you do. Sure, we became friends a long time ago and circumstances were different, but you were so undone by Amira, you made her enemy number one.' 'And, for all your concerns about her distracting you from your goals, you’ve still ended up spending the majority of these last three years with that girl living in your mind rent-free,' Kerry adds. 'Plus, you know what they say. There’s a thin line between hate and love.' Taylor nods in agreement. Meanwhile, I feel like my head is going to explode. It’s one thing when the possibility crosses my mind, as a total hypothetical, of course, but it’s another thing entirely to hear it from my two best friends. 'Oh my God.' I bring my hands up, covering my face. 'Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.' 'Yeah, girl,' Kerry says, patting my back gently. 'You’re in trouble now.”

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“Amira’s lips twitch and she shakes her head like she doesn’t know what to do with me. 'Apology accepted,' she says. 'Though I maybe also owe you an apology.' This surprises me, and it must show on my face. Amira adds, 'Don’t look so shocked. I just mean it’s possible you’re not the only one to blame for us not getting along all these years. You pushed me away, and I pushed back by trying to beat you in any class we were in together. Which, honestly, has been really exhausting. You’re very smart. Most of the time anyway. Though your emotional intelligence could use some work.' That shocks a laugh out of me, and Amira grins. 'So, does this mean we’re good now?' I ask. This almost feels too easy. Too good to be true. 'That depends, are we actually friends now?' There’s a small voice inside of me that wants me to ask for more than that, but I’m not willing to open that can of worms yet. I hold out my hand. 'Friends,' I say.”

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“That shocks a laugh out of me, and Amira grins. 'So, does this mean we’re good now?' I ask. This almost feels too easy. Too good to be true. 'That depends, are we actually friends now?' There’s a small voice inside of me that wants me to ask for more than that, but I’m not willing to open that can of worms yet. I hold out my hand. 'Friends,' I say. Amira rolls her eyes but takes my hand, giving it a quick up-and-down pump before letting me go. As soon as her hand falls away, I miss the feel of her skin against mine. 'All right, well, now that that’s settled, shall we get to work?' Amira says. 'Oh, right, I kind of forgot about that part for a second.' Amira gasps so dramatically, Kerry would be proud. 'Rochelle Marie Coleman forgot about work? Am I dreaming?' I gently push her as we make for the door. 'Ha ha, whatever. And why do you know my middle name? Let me guess, my mom told you.' 'Nope,' Amira says, turning so she’s walking out the door backward, looking at me with a playful grin. 'You told me once. Your middle name is Marie and mine is María. You see, Rochelle, I haven’t forgotten a single thing about you.' She then has the audacity to wink at me and walk away.”

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“Anyway, what were you two talking about?' Brigit asks, focusing her attention back on me and Amira. 'Nothing.' I say, as Amira interrupts me. 'Rochelle hasn’t seen any of the movies playing,' she says. Jennie and Brigit both gasp as if I’ve committed a crime. Seriously, the theatrics of these people. 'Rochelle, you know we can see movies here for free, right?' Jennie asks. Her face is filled with such genuine concern, I have the absurd need to assure her I am well aware of this one perk from our job.”

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“This leads to the basement?” I ask. “No, it goes to Narnia, but we like to call it the basement,” Amira says, grinning. I reach out to flick her, but she grabs my hand, pulling me close until we’re practically nose to nose. “Hi,” she says. “Hi,” I say back. I’m smiling now too. She brings her lips down to mine, and everything else around us fades away as she kisses me. I was worried that maybe the other day was a fluke. That we were just so caught up in the moment, and that’s why it felt so amazing. But I’m happy to discover I was totally wrong. This kiss is just as wonderful as the last, and my stomach feels like it’s doing backflips.”

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“When we pull apart, we’re both breathing hard. “Going forward let’s not wait so long to do that again,” Amira says. “I can skip a dance class or two.” I shake my head. “Nope, nope. Kisses only come when we do the work we’re supposed to.” Amira pouts. “But that’s no fun.” “Where is the bossy girl from five minutes ago?” I ask, laughing. “She melted away with your kisses,” Amira says, before pressing her lips back against mine again. Despite what I just said, when she pulls away a moment later, it feels much too soon. “Okay, back to work mode,” she says. She steps away from me, as if distance will make this thing between us feel less all-consuming than it is. “I may need your help pulling this open,” Amira adds, moving to the door. “It can be tricky.” “Sure, okay.” I hover behind her as she inserts the key and gives it a turn while pulling on the metal handle.”

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“Amira makes room for me, and I come up around her and also grip the handle, my hands resting above hers on the bar. “One, two, three . . . !” she says, and we pull hard. The door jerks back and Amira falls into me, but I instinctively grab her waist, steadying her. “Nice catch,” she says, patting my hand that has somehow come to rest on her stomach. I quickly pull it away, before I do something stupid like hold her there against me, her back to my front. “No problem,” I choke out.”

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“Amira waits a second, as if she's waiting for me to say more, but any words I attempt to form feel caught in my throat. She's lifting the flip-up section on the counter when I finally get the courage. ‘I'm sorry about what I said during training,’ I say. Amira stops and turns to look at me. When the silence stretches on, she raises one of her perfectly manicured brows. ‘Is that all?’ Of course, she's not going to make this easy for me. A bubble of irritation threatens to pop inside me, but I push it down. ‘I'm sorry that I said that I didn't think this job would be too hard-‘ ‘I think what you said was it wouldn't be 'too difficult to manage.' God, she's so annoying. ‘Right, and I can see now that it is not a simple job and so I'm sorry. And I don't want to fight with you anymore. At least not at work.’ I jut out my hand then, waiting for her to shake it, but Amira just looks down at it and then back at me. ‘You're supposed to shake it.’ ‘Yeah, no, I got that. I'm just thinking.’ ‘About what?’ ‘If I want to shake it.’ I swallow a groan of frustration and instead plaster the best smile I can to my face.”

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“Of course not! I'm stressed because the popcorn machine just lost it, and I didn't know how to fix it! And I should know how to fix it.’ I step back, surprised. I don't think I've ever heard Amira yell before. Sure, we've argued and had our spats over the years, but she's never really had an outburst like this. At least, not in front of me. ‘Sorry.’ Amira's voice is low. She hangs her head, and I know she's feeling embarrassed. ‘That was a lot.’ I shrug. ‘I've had my fair share of meltdowns before. It's nothing I can't handle.’ Amira snorts at that. ‘Oh, I know about your meltdowns. Remember when you got a ninety-nine on that art project, and Ms. Bloom said it was because there was 'no such thing as perfection' when it came to art.’ ‘Which was ridiculous,’ I say. ‘I stayed up for hours working on that stupid papier-mâché mask, and Taylor painted it for me, so I know it was, in fact, perfection.’ ‘Wow, I can't believe you confessed to cheating.’ Amira clutches a hand to her chest dramatically, and I roll my eyes. ‘I did not cheat; I outsourced the final step of my project to someone who actually has skills. And I helped her with the English essay that week. It was an even exchange.’ ‘Sure, sure, whatever you say, cheater.”

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“I sigh and lightly pound my fist on my forehead. Literally, what is going on with me today? I cross the hallway into my bedroom, so I’m not just standing outside the bathroom door like some kind of creep. I fall into my bed, resting my hands across my stomach, taking in my glow-in-the-dark stars as I replay all the events of the day, from the almost kiss that probably wasn’t almost anything to me inviting Amira into my home. This tentative friendship should’ve never left Horizon’s walls, and now I’m in too deep.”

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“Do you think if I hadn’t moved, you wouldn’t have ended up hating me?' Amira asks, catching me off guard. 'I don’t hate you,' I say automatically. 'Maybe not anymore,' Amira says. 'But you made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me the moment we started at North, and I never understood why.' 'I told you why,' I say, defensive. 'It wasn’t personal. I just didn’t think being friends with you would be conducive to me reaching my goals.' Amira shakes her head and pushes to standing. 'Rochelle, how could I not take that personally?' 'I—' 'Just forget it,' Amira says, waving a hand. 'I don’t know why I even brought it up. I should go.' “Amira . . .' I falter, unsure what I want to say, but Amira doesn’t wait for me to figure it out. 'I’ll see you at work,' she says, and then she’s gone.”

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