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Quote by Natalie Carnes

“You are one of those mediations of God in my life. You bear God to me, make God present to me. Because you are an image of the Messiah to me, to address myself to you is, indirectly, to address myself to the divine, to the way that divine life is making its way in me, the way I am striving with divine powers, receiving wounding and blessing. To address you and my loving struggle to help you give birth to your own free will is also to address myself to the God in whose likeness I long to be reborn. God has come to me in you to draw me out of death.”

Quote by Natalie Carnes

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Motherhood: A Confession

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Natalie Carnes

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“As the human body is a microcosmos, the pregnant women's body is a microgenesis. Readings of Your incarnation in Mary's body often suggest this, even if they do not claim it outright. Mary's body is presented as a new creation. Mary's words "let it be done to me" (fiat mihi in the longtime language of the Church) echo Your words at creation "let there me light" (fiat lux). The Spirit hovering over the waters of the deep, formless and empty, hovers over the waters of Mary's womb, once again bringing life into a dark void.”

“I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough to make every moment holy. I am too tiny in this world, and not tiny enough just to lie before you like a thing, shrewd and secretive. I want my own will, and I want simply to be with my will, as it goes toward action; and in those quiet, sometimes hardly moving times, when something is coming near, I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone. I want to be a mirror for your whole body, and I never want to be blind, or to be too old to hold up your heavy and swaying picture. I want to unfold. I don’t want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie. and I want my grasp of things to be true before you. I want to describe myself like a painting that I looked at closely for a long time, like a saying that I finally understood, like the pitcher I use every day, like the face of my mother, like a ship that carried me through the wildest storm of all.”

“And Mary and the Church both, like You, labor for the world. Mary's labor figures, reveals, and clarifies the Church's own labor. The Church, like Mary labors to bear divine presence into the world. The Church, like Mary, participates in Your new creation and hearkens to Your first. In the figure of Mary, creation, church, and pregnancy all entwine as images of one another. A pregnant woman's body, the Church expectant, and You, the womb of creation, all come together in the image of pregnancy.”

“When Christmas has passed, if I find that I am none the better for having engaged it, the only explanation that I can muster up is that I can be handed the greatest of gifts, yet still have the emptiest of hands. And finding myself in that dreadful condition, I am left to assume that the fool within me has chosen to live with the hands that now define me instead of embracing the God Who wishes to fill me.”

“There's a big difference between an intervention that's introduced or suggested due to a true medical need - or even by your request - and one that's due to impatience; a difference between someone saying "We're noticing this, let's discuss your options as well as our recommendations and reasons" and "We're noticing this, and you have to do this." In the first case, a care provider gives information and wants to talk options; in the second, the care provider uses fear and shaming to coerce the decision they want. Having a working, respectful, and good relationship with your care provider can make all the difference here, but so can your clarity about this one thing: you deserve respect, options, and support. If you are feeling pressured into an intervention, if you are feeling guilted into an intervention, if you are feeling ignored, disrespected, or embarrassed in any way, as if you need to make a certain choice to please other people in the room, this is not good care and you need a second opinion - or a new care provider.”