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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.”

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“You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.”

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“Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.”

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“I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.”

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“It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.”

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“I have a skin disorder that destroys the pigmentation of the skin, it's something that I cannot help, OK?”

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“It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe.”

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“A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.”

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“I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.”

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“Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.”

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Author:Craig Ferguson