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Quote by Idir Aitsahalia

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Idir Aitsahalia

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“Anxiety isn't an attack that explodes out of me; it's not a volcano that lies dormant until it's triggered by an earth-shattering event. It's a constant companion. Like a blowfly that gets into the house in the middle of summer, flying around and around. You can hear it buzzing, but you can't see it, can't capture it, can't let it out. My anxiety is invisible to others, but often it's the focal point on my mind. Everything that happens on a day-to-day basis is filtered through a lens colored by anxiety.”

“Are the kids at school mean?” “Not mean, exactly. I’d say that the way they treat me is peculiar. More like I’m a zoo animal than a person.” A fist bounced against her leg. “I figured it out when I was visiting a primates exhibit once. People were staring at the gorilla, wondering what he would do next, hoping to be fascinated or creeped out. When he did something gross, they gasped and leaned closer. But when nothing more happened, they got bored and walked off.” The fist-thumping ended. “All the gorilla wanted was to be left alone. Instead, he was caged and made to entertain people against his will. I felt sorry for him until I reaized the cage protected him. Then I was jealous.”

“Part of the torture of autism is that the future is so impossibly unsure. Your child might become a fully functioning member of society and appear no different than anyone else, even if he does have to look at mouths instead of eyes and can't stand to give his own kids a bath. Or, he might be so violent that he requires institutionalization... Either way, you're expected to work your ass off for it.”

“Yes. I’ve never met another Aspie girl before.… I mean, that I know of. I guess I probably have, just not another girl who knew she was on the spectrum.” I’m rambling, so I stop myself. “Does that make sense?” Josie giggles a little. “Yes, it makes perfect sense.” She stands up and steps closer to the table. “I actually just spoke about this on the Diversity in Media panel. When did you realize you’re on the spectrum?” “At first, I hated it. I felt like there was no hope, that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never fit in and everything would always be hard for me.”