“My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.” NiceSonChristmasMy SonBottlesCologne Author:Milton Berle
“My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."” YearsSaidWholeLastsWifeBrotherMy WifeChristmasDepartmentShoppingLast YearYour BrotherWhole FamilyNephew Author:Milton Berle
“My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?” MenGivingWifeFiguresMy WifeChristmas Author:Milton Berle
“My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.” WantWifeDivorceMy WifeChristmasMexicanWant Something Author:Milton Berle
“One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?” SongWifeCryMy WifeChristmasChristmas Song Author:Milton Berle
“Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.” TwoKidsWantedTenStoresLocalsChristmasDepartmentToysSantaDepartment Stores Author:Milton Berle
“Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.” UsedTreeChristmasBulbsOrthopedics Author:Milton Berle
“She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.” StillsWantedSportsCarChristmasItalianSports Cars Author:Milton Berle
“Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.” KidsThreeSuicideCommittedChristmasSantaNeighbourSanta ClausChristmas Eve Author:Milton Berle
“The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.” OfficeCarefulChristmasPostsFragilePackagesPost Office Author:Milton Berle