“I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.”
Quote by Demetri Martin
Author
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“You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.”
“When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.”
“The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.”
“A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.”
“A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.”
“Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.”
“You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.”
