“Wichtor’s been cranky ever since a fat vulture roosted on his granite Cârnat, uh, schmekel in 1864 and broke it off." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Vlad was sexting Elizabeth a picture of his pulă rigiditate, while he told Mina. “I vould like totally hang up on the dude. He’s no Baldwin." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“We won’t be able to sleep without the sound of her self-loathing orgasms crying out into the night." —Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“I was afraid that your buns were blown all the way to the Bardot Museum in Paris, where they put them on display, and then….” Mina said, “Were they displayed like this?" —Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Grrrrowpt.” said dead Penelope. Dead Huthbert nodded, and hugged her. She moved his dusty hand from her dusty ass." — BATS 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Gentle With Them Thar Spurs'—a sequel to 'Riders of the Purple Sau-Sage.' Spurs was the feminist novel of its day…which was Tuesday." —Bats 2015” WesternVampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“I get glimmers of the bad nineteenth-century teaching which has made Mother remove God from the realm of mystery and beauty and glory, but why do people half my age think that they don't have faith unless their faith is small and comprehensible and like a good old plastic Jesus?” Faith Book:The Summer of the Great-Grandmother Source: The Summer of the Great-Grandmother
“Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie." — Bats 2015” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett
“Purrrrrrrr” Elizabeth kneaded Vlad's pecs. “I hear a Kitty!” Vlad’s eyes sprung open. There was a moment of hurt, of sad. There was no kitty. “You’re teasing me!" — Bats” VampiresBats Author:Fred Barnett