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Quote by Anthony Jeselnik

“God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.”

Quote by Anthony Jeselnik

Author

Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik, born on December 22, 1978, is an American comedian known for his sharp wit and unique performance style. He has gained recognition for his appearances in comedy clubs and television shows. more

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“My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve seen feels like I’m watching a third tower collapse.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“The world is full of horrible things.”

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Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Like a good general, I treated everyone who wasnt with me as against me.”

Author:Michael Dukakis

“What do you do if youre in a room with Muammar Qaddafi, Saddam Hussein, and John Sununu, and you have a gun with only two bullets? Shoot Sununu twice.”

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Author:Michael Dukakis

“All the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, into our schools, our churches and our places of recreation and amusement.”

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Author:Strom Thurmond

“We stand for the segregation of the races and the racial integrity of each race.”

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