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Quote by G. Scott Graham

“Grief isn’t a process to go through. Grief isn’t a problem to overcome. Grief isn’t something to put behind you. Grief is a gift. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly: at some point during the past seventeen months, I realized the truth that grief is a gift.​”

Quote by G. Scott Graham

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Come As You Are: Meditation & Grief

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G. Scott Graham

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“If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to ‘glorify God and enjoy Him forever’. A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bath him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.”

“So, imagine we're all born with a set of feelings. Some are broader or deeper than others, but for everyone, there's that ground floor, a bottom crust of the pie. That's the maximum depth of feeling you've ever experienced. And then, the worst thing happens to you. The very worst thing that could have happened. The thing you had nightmares about as a child, and you thought, it's all right because that thing will happen to me when I'm older and wiser, and I'll have telt so many feelings by then that this one worst feeling, the worst possible feeling won't seem so terrible. *But it happens to you when you're young. It happens when your brain isn't even fully done cooking when you've barely experienced anything, really. The worst thing is one of the first big things that ever happens to you in your life. It happens to you, and it goes all the way down to the bottom of what you know how to feel, and it rips it open and carves out this chasm down below to make room. And because you were so young, and because it was one of the first big things to happen in your lite, you'll always carry it inside you. Every time something terrible happens to you from then on, it doesn't just stop at the bottom - it goes all the way down." She reaches across the tiny tea table and the sad little pile of water crackers and touches the back of Alex's hand "Do you understand?" she asks him, looking right into his eyes. "You need to understand this to be with Henry. He is the most loving, nurturing, selfless person you could hope to meet, but there is a sadness and a hurt in him that is tremendous, and you may very well never truly understand it, but you need to love it as much as you love the rest of him, because thare him. That is him, part and parce. And he is prepared to live it all to you, which is far more than I ever, in a thousand years, thought I would see him do.”