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Quote by Norm MacDonald

“Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.”

Quote by Norm MacDonald

Author

Norm MacDonald is a Canadian comedian known for his unique humor style and satirical wit. Born on October 17, 1963, he has been active in the television and film industry since the 1980s. MacDonald is recognized for his roles in comedy shows and his performances in movies, which are often characterized by sharp observations and wit that resonate with audiences. more

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“It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.”

Ifs Knows Men Two Hard Guy Stuff Sports Rocks Like You Tough Hey Champion Cliffs Comeback Other Guys Diving Classification Hey You

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.”

Knows Feels Interest Loses Minutes Twenties Bored Dirty Ashamed Fifteen Dirty Movie

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.”

Sex Fiction Bunch Dirty Satire Urban Pumps Friction Pulp

Author:Norm MacDonald

“The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.”

Years Said Lasts Past Death Five Week Stones Twenties Five Years Cheating Rolling Fifth Twenty Five Rolling Stones Keith Reunited Fifth Anniversary

Author:Norm MacDonald

“You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?”

Men Dream Middle Wake Up Rough Good Dream

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!”

People Ifs Knows Age Young Conditions Come Up Zero Know Me

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!”

Thinking Lasts Guy Worst Tickets Merry Lottery Merry Christmas Lottery Ticket

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.”

Believe May Form Moon Scientist Frank Primitive Jupiter

Author:Norm MacDonald

“They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?”

Knows Like You Alcoholics

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.”

Ifs Want Would Be Protect Valuable I Want You Bulls Pits Valuable Things Pit Bull

Author:Norm MacDonald