“At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.” RealSawsTenDollarsChristmasItemsGet RealBargainsYacht Author:Milton Berle
“At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.” LongThreePartyFourHairRedChristmasSecretarySalesmanRed HairPicklesChristmas Party Author:Milton Berle
“Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.” WantFeelsNumbersChristmasCardsInsecureChristmas Card Author:Milton Berle
“Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.” GivingYearsUsedNamesDrinkDoctorsGive MeChristmasExpensiveBossBottlesBrandy Author:Milton Berle
“For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.” ChristmasBatteries Author:Milton Berle
“I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.” HomeNextWifeTreeHairTwentiesDollarsMy WifeChristmasNext DayChristmas Tree Author:Milton Berle
“I don't think that we necessarily lie. I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're someone else. I don't tell tall tales. I always tell the truth.” ThinkingMeanLyingTalesTelling The TruthTallPretendingTall Tales Author:Albert Finney
“I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.” LawMotherMouthsIdealsChristmasIn-lawsBatteriesMother In Law Author:Milton Berle
“I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.” MatterHelpingKidsTogetherEducationalChristmasToys Author:Milton Berle
“I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.” BeautifulLawMotherLet MeChristmasChairsIn-lawsPlugsMother In Law Author:Milton Berle