“I had really bad obsessive-compulsive disorder. At its worst, I was compelled to leave my house at three o'clock in the morning and go out in the alley because I just knew that the paper-towel roll I threw in the recycling bin was uncomfortable, like it was lying the wrong way, and I would be down in the garbage.”
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“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”
Source: W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles
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“I was so mad you could have boiled a pot of water on my head.”
Source: Like One of the Family: Conversations from a Domestic's Life
“Sport must be the heritage of all men and of all social classes.”
“If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.”
“I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.”
“There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?”
“Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.”
