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Quote by Marion Bekoe

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Marion Bekoe

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“I'm there now. Tell me I will succeed. That it's the world blinking out and not me, like the ones I've loved and tried to pull back. Tell me he'll never set the world afire. Tell me so I can finally go to sleep. The woman buried beneath my candle won't let him. She props me up. Sits by my bed. She tells me my state isn't fixed; there is no rope binding my wrists; there is always a window to climb out of. She tells me I can save myself and find a place I love before the world dissolves. She stays, even when I turn cruel and out of phase. I learn to leave. I leave before he sets himself ablaze. The fire in his skin and hair. I can't see it but I know it's happening. I can't see it because I'm already so far away. I'm out of here now, forever.”

DespairDepressionSurvivalAbuseSuicideSelf Destruction
Book:Negative Space
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“He had slowed the melody now to a sad, reflective circle of notes. Behind this basic structure, Elta was piling an increasing weight of harmonies, circling again and again to augment them. He thought it was like the weight of the past, the weight of memory, building and building until it seemed almost unbearable, and yet there was always room for more: another repetition, another variation. The clapping had long since died away and the audience was rapt and silent. Suddenly a clutch of despair squeezed his heart. How would he survive the rest of his long life? He was not yet very old, and yet he felt old. Like the Essa with the gray-streaked hair who had been carried raving off the ship at Avanue, and whose limp and pallid shape he’d tended unconscious until the day she woke to say ‘Minh’ to him in the same rich voice he remembered. “I feel so old, she had said to him once. How will I live the rest of my life? Then, he hadn’t really known what she meant, though he had understood. Now, he both understood and knew.”

LifeAgePainDeathSadnessSorrowDespair
Book:Black Wine
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“He'd never failed at anything. Not like this. And he'd been so stupidly desperate, so stupidly hopeful, that he hadn't believed she'd truly refuse. Until today, when he'd seen her on that rock and known she'd wanted to get up, but watched her shut down the instinct. Watched her clamp that steel will over herself.”

DespairSarah J MaasDesperateHopefulRefusalCassianNesta ArcheronNestaA Court Of Silver FlamesFailed
Book:A ​Court of Silver Flames
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“Only sheer exhaustion could summon the oblivion she craved. Every time they stopped throughout the day, she was so tired, she fell to her knees and dumped the pack. And during the pause in motion, she was so weary she couldn't think about the ruin she'd made of herself, the ruin she'd always been, deep down. No training, no learning about the Valkyries and their Mind-Stilling would help. Nothing would help.”

DespairDepressionSarah J MaasNesta ArcheronNestaExhaustionA Court Of Silver FlamesSelf LoathingSelf HatredRuin
Book:A ​Court of Silver Flames
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“No amount of driving her body into the earth would make her good. She knew it. Wondered if he did, too. Wondered if he thought he was trekking out here with her on a fool's errand. Or maybe it was like one of the ancient stories she'd heard as a child: he a wicked queen's huntsman, leading her into the deep wild before caring out her heart. She wished he would. Wished someone would cut out the damned thing from her chest. Wished someone would smother the voice that whispered of every horrible thing she had ever done, every awful thought she'd had, every person she'd failed. She had been born wrong. Had been born with claws and fangs and had never been able to keep from using them, never been able to quell the part of her that roared at betrayal, that could hate and love more violently than anyone ever understood. Elain had been the only one who perhaps grasped it, but now her sister loathed her. She didn't know how to fix it. How to make any of it right. How to stop being this way.”

FailureDespairSarah J MaasCassianNesta ArcheronNestaA Court Of Silver FlamesSelf LoathingSelf HatredElain Archeron
Book:A ​Court of Silver Flames
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“She realised that she hadn’t tried to end her life because she was miserable, but because she had managed to convince herself that there was no way out of her misery. That, she supposed, was the basis of depression as well as the difference between fear and despair. Fear was when you wandered into a cellar and worried that the door would close shut. Despair was when the door closed and locked behind you.”

FearDespairDepressionSuicide
Book:The Midnight Library
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