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All Roads Lead to China

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Jeffrey Friedland

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“INT. MINISTÈRE DES AFFAIRES MAGIQUES, RECORDS ROOM ATRIUM—NIGHT MELUSINE: Puis-je vous aider? NEWT: Er—yes, this is Leta Lestrange. And—I’m her— TINA: Fiancé. There is an increased awkwardness between them. NEWT: Tina, about that fiancée business— TINA (brittle): Sorry, yeah. I should have congratulated you— The doors to the records office open. They enter briskly. INT. MINISTÈRE DES AFFAIRES MAGIQUES, RECORDS ROOM—NIGHT The doors close behind them, plunging them into darkness. NEWT: No, that’s— TINA: Lumos. NEWT: Tina—about Leta— TINA: Yes, I’ve just said, I am happy for you— NEWT: Yeah, well, don’t. She stops. Looks at him. What? NEWT: Please don’t be happy. (in trouble) Uh, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t . . . Uh, obviously, I—Obviously I want you to be. And I hear that you are now. Uh, which is wonderful. Sorry— (a gesture of hopelessness) What I’m trying to say is, I want you to be happy, but don’t be happy that I’m happy, because I’m not. (off her confusion) Happy. (off her continued confusion) Or engaged. TINA: What? NEWT: It was a mistake in a stupid magazine. My brother’s marrying Leta, June the sixth. I’m supposed to be best man. Which is sort of mildly hilarious. TINA: Does he think you’re here to win her back? (beat) Are you here to win her back? NEWT: No! I’m here to— A beat. He stares at her. NEWT: —you know, your eyes really are— TINA: Are what? NEWT: I’m not supposed to say. Pickett is climbing out of NEWT’S pocket onto the nearest shelf. NEWT doesn’t notice. A beat. In a rush TINA: Newt, I read your book, and did you—? NEWT: I still have a picture of you—wait, did you read—? NEWT pulls the picture of her from his breast pocket and unfolds it. She is inordinately touched. He looks from the picture to TINA. NEWT: I got this—I mean, it’s just a picture of you from the paper, but it’s interesting because your eyes in newsprint . . . See, in reality they have this effect in them, Tina . . . It’s like fire in water, in dark water. I’ve only ever seen that— (struggling) I’ve only ever seen that in— TINA (whispers): Salamanders?”

Slow Burn RomanceNewt ScamanderTina GoldsteinThesus ScamanderLeta Lestrange
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“NEWT rummages in his pockets and pulls out a tiny bottle with only a couple of muddy drops left inside it. TINA: Is that Polyjuice? NEWT (of the bottle): Just enough to get me inside. He looks down at his coat and finds one of THESEUS’S hairs on his shoulder. He adds it to the mixture, drinks, and turns into THESEUS, still wearing NEWT’S clothes. TINA: Who—? NEWT: My brother, Theseus. He’s an Auror. And a hugger.”

Newt ScamanderTina GoldsteinThesus Scamander
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“TINA: I’ll have to go to the Ministry with what I’ve got. (a wobble in her voice) It was nice to see you again, Mr. Scamander. She strides from the room, leaving NEWT perplexed and upset. INT. FLAMEL HOUSE, HALLWAY—AFTERNOON JACOB follows TINA into the hall. JACOB: Hey, hold on one second, will you? Well, hold on! Wait! Tina! She leaves. As the front door closes, NEWT appears at the drawing room door. JACOB: (to NEWT) You didn’t mention salamanders, did you? NEWT: No, she just—ran. I don’t know . . . JACOB (firm): So you chase after her! NEWT grabs his case. He leaves.  EXT. RUE DE MONTMORENCY—END OF DAY TINA is hurrying up the road. NEWT hastens to catch up. NEWT: Tina. Please, just listen to me— TINA: Mr. Scamander, I need to go talk to the Ministry—and I know how you feel about Aurors— NEWT: I may have been a little strong in the way that I expressed myself in that letter— TINA: What was the exact phrase? “A bunch of careerist hypocrites”? NEWT: I’m sorry, but I can’t admire people whose answer to everything that they fear or misunderstand is “kill it”! TINA: I’m an Auror and I don’t— NEWT: Yes, and that’s because you’ve gone middle head! TINA (stopping): Excuse me? NEWT: It’s an expression derived from the three heads of the Runespoor. The middle one is the visionary. Every Auror in Europe wants Credence dead—except you. You’ve gone middle head. A beat. TINA: Who else uses that expression, Mr. Scamander? NEWT considers. NEWT: I think it might just be me.”

Newt ScamanderTina GoldsteinJacob Kowalski
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“INT. PARISIAN CAFÉ—EVENING KAMA leaves the café. The feather points at him. NEWT lets it out and it flies to KAMA’S hat. JACOB: Is that the guy we’re looking for? NEWT: Yes. NEWT and JACOB jump up to confront him. NEWT (to KAMA): Er—bonjour. Bonjour, monsieur. KAMA makes to carry on walking, ignoring NEWT. NEWT: Oh wait, no, sorry. We were . . . we were actually just wondering if you’d come across a friend of ours? JACOB:Tina Goldstein. KAMA: Monsieur, Paris is a large city. NEWT: She’s an Auror. When Aurors go missing, the Ministry tend to come looking, so . . . No, now I suppose it would probably be better if we just report her absence— KAMA (deciding): She is tall? Dark? Rather— JACOB: —intense? NEWT: —beautiful— JACOB (hasty, off NEWT’S look): —Yeah, what I meant to say—she’s very—very pretty— NEWT: She’s intense too.”

Newt ScamanderTina GoldsteinJacob KowalskiYusuf Kama
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“INT. NEWT’S SITTING ROOM—FIVE MINUTES LATER—NIGHT The threesome sit at a table bearing NEWT’S mismatched crockery, the atmosphere tainted by TINA’S absence. QUEENIE’S case lies open on the sofa. QUEENIE: Tina and I aren’t talking. NEWT: Why? JACOB’S POV—pink and hazy, as though happily drunk. QUEENIE: Oh well, you know, she found out about Jacob and I seeing each other and she didn’t like it, ’cause of the “law.” (miming quotation marks) Not allowed to date No-Majs, not allowed to marry them. Blah, blah, blah. Well, she was all in a tizzy anyway, ’cause of you. NEWT: Me? QUEENIE: Yeah, you, Newt. It was in Spellbound. Here—I brought it for you— She points her wand at her suitcase. A celebrity magazine zooms to her: Spellbound: Celebrity Secrets and Spell Tips of the Stars! On the cover, an idealized NEWT and an improbably beaming Niffler. BEAST TAMER NEWT TO WED! QUEENIE opens the magazine. THESEUS, LETA, NEWT, and BUNTY stand side by side at his book launch. QUEENIE (showing him): “Newt Scamander with fiancée, Leta Lestrange; brother, Theseus; and unknown woman.” NEWT: No. Theseus is marrying Leta, not me. QUEENIE: Oh! Oh dear . . . well, see, Teen read that, and she started dating someone else. He’s an Auror. His name’s Achilles Tolliver.”

Newt ScamanderTina GoldsteinJacob KowalskiThesus ScamanderLeta LestrangeBuntyQueenie Goldstein
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“INT. NEWT’S HOUSE—SHORTLY AFTER—NIGHT NEWT’S miserable gaze falls on the piece of postcard. He crosses to pick it up, then points his wand at it. NEWT: Papyrus Reparo. It reconstitutes into a whole. We see a picture of Paris. Postcard text becomes visible onscreen. TINA (V.O.); My dear Queenie, What a beautiful city. I’m thinking of you, Tina X”

ParisNewt ScamanderTina Goldstein
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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“INT. NEWT’S HOUSE—NIGHT NEWT opens the front door cautiously. Inside, a baby Niffler is swinging from the brass cord of a table lamp, causing the light to flicker on and off. The baby Niffler succeeds in stealing the brass cord before spotting NEWT. It scampers away, knocking all manner of objects to the floor. NEWT spots a second baby Niffler sitting on a set of weighing scales, pinned down by gold-colored weights it is clearly attempting to steal. As the first baby makes it to the dining table, NEWT lightly drops a saucepan on top of it, which continues moving across the table. NEWT tosses an apple into the opposite weighing scale, sending the baby Niffler flying into the air. NEWT catches both baby Nifflers as they fall, then tucks them into his pockets. Satisfied, NEWT heads toward the door to his basement but turns at the last moment to see a third escaped baby Niffler climbing onto a bottle of champagne on the counter. With a sense of inevitability, the champagne bottle pops and the baby Niffler zooms toward NEWT on top of the cork, soaring past him and down the stairs to the basement.”

Newt ScamanderNiffler
Book:Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: The Original Screenplay
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