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DEARLY BELOVED

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John Northcutt Young

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“The professor would describe all sorts of aberrant types, their prominent, wild eyes, their too thick or too narrow chests or hips and their too thin or too heavy leg muscles; he would illustrate the swagger of the feminine type and the mincing short-stepped swaying gait of the masculine, the fluttering, so called; he would tell of their nocturnal amusements and occupations, and when he had finished he had so enthused his entire class that they were ready to go down town and start a laboratory course at once.”

“Have a sense of humor. Remember, Gawd must have his little jokes on the human species." "I feel bitter, bitter against the half-men who make our laws. Come on, let's legislate against the tides too." "Be practical," suggested Miss Bull-Mawgan. "The only recourse is to see that every ecclesiastical student is properly seduced, and thus liberalized. The pulpit, after all, makes the laws in this country.”

“....whatever else remained the same, the light had changed, and you cannot find the pearly dawn at noonday. The fact is unalterable, that a fellow-mortal with whose nature you are acquainted solely through the brief entrances and exits of a few imaginative weeks called courtship, may, when seen in the continuity of married companionship, be disclosed as something better or worse than what you have preconceived, but will certainly not appear altogether the same.”

“I was a theatre queen before I had pubes. My teen summer tans were as pale as unwashed muslin and my skin as cool as the air-conditioned theater where I hid. In secret moments, wrapped in musty curtains or old costumes, my heart fluttered with uncontrollable surges of heat, passion, and hope. Some may say a life in the theatre can ruin you. I say it was my salvation. In the days when walking down the street or by a playground might leave me with a bloody nose or a hurled insult that hurt even more, the theatre was my refuge, my shelter.”

“My heart leaped with excitement. Odin was sending me to fight the jotuns in Jotunheim! I jumped up and summoned my spear of light. It blazed with anticipation. “I won’t let you down, sir! I’ll take care of those giants and their wretched sorcery!” “Ah. No.” Odin handed me a Valkyrie Vision body cam. “I need you to take a new photo of the egg. So I can see if it is beginning to hatch.” My spear dimmed. “Oh.” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s an important job. Likely fraught with danger.” “Oh, sure,” I agreed. “Snapping a pic of an egg in a nest would be . . . obviously. I’ll be on my way, then.”