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Lauro Henrique Santos

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“In the beginning one may fail to recognize compulsive gambling as a serious problem. The loved ones may participate as part of their social entertainment, enjoying the excitement and glamour of vacations in places such as Las Vegas and similar destinations.”

“The gamblers lose and are remorseful. The non-gamblers are consoled in the mistaken belief that the gambling is only intermittent and thus accept any promise made to never gamble again. Months pass between gambling episodes. Most of the time, however, there is ongoing gambling which remains hidden from view.”

“In the third stage of gambling, the illness escalates and exerts an even stronger pull on the gambler. Family relationships deteriorate, friends are gone, emotions are strained, and finances are ruined. Life becomes meaningless and the players proceed down the pathway to the complete destruction of one another.”

“Are we doing for the gamblers what they must do for themselves? Are we accepting behavior that is unacceptable? Are we taking responsibility which is not ours to take? Are we shirking our responsibilities to self and others? Are we in a state of denial about the reality of our situation? Are we continually reacting to the gamblers, or are we taking our own appropriate actions?”

“The gamblers may make statements such as: "If you weren't always nagging me and making life miserable, I wouldn't need to gamble." "You know how hard I work and you begrudge me my hobby." "If you were a better spouse... " "If you didn't spend so much I wouldn't need to gamble." "If you hadn't made me so angry, I wouldn't have had to leave the house to calm down." "Sitting at the computer is the only way I can relax after one of your stupid fights." "If you paid more attention to me, I wouldn't gamble."   Usually, the accusations are much more subtle and more difficult to deal with.”

“[The non-gamblers] can’t help but wonder if they could have stopped the gamblers from gambling if only they had done or said something differently. The fact is that whether or not the non-gamblers continue to play this game and join in the argument created by the gamblers, the gamblers get to gamble.”

“If my husband ever felt guilt, he never showed it. I always felt guilty. My efforts to stop him from gambling or change his horrible behavior always ended up with me apologizing for making him angry, or not trusting him, or making him feel inadequate as a person and as a provider for his family.”