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Quote by Gift Gugu Mona

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Coming to Grips with the Mountains and Valleys of This World

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Gift Gugu Mona

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“It seems contradictory, but if you want your child to be adventurous, you need to cuddle her more. If you want your child to always be close, you need to applaud her explorations. Some children need a little push out of the nest, but never give the shove without an unlimited free pass for coming back home. Children of all ages need to be able to regress sometimes, pretending to be younger than they really are. They need to know they can cuddle with you or check back with you any time they want. Other children will race away recklessly and need to be held in check a little. Don’t hold them back, however, without a clear message that you’re eager for them to try their wings, once they can do it a bit more safely. Otherwise, the clingy children will just cling tighter or stumble out into the world unprepared. Conversely, the reckless child will just rush out even more impulsively or catch the parent’s anxiety and become fearful.”

ChildrenChildhoodParentingRisk TakingChild Development
Book:Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children
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“Adults often ask me why children in groups are so cruel. I am always astonished by the question. What about groups of adults? What about the Holocaust? What about the Serbs and Croats? How could neighbors who had lived together for hundreds of years suddenly turn on one another and begin to see each other as enemies? Why have Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland been willing to plant bombs in each other’s neighborhoods and kill people only blocks away? What about the Hutus and the Tutsis? During the genocide in Rwanda, a Hutu man beheaded his Tutsi wife and three sons in front of a crowd when the Hutu chief in his town told him that he had to kill all Tutsis. What force could make a person do something like that? Peer pressure. Peer pressure in a horrible group cause.”

ChildrenSocietyAdultsCrueltyPeer PressureSocial Commentary
Book:Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children
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“No matter how old your child is now, try to remember that incredible sociability of infants and toddlers – the way they flirt, smile, pull at our heartstrings. Everything you see now has been built on that foundation. It’s hard to see that happy little guy you raised inside your touchy fifteen year old. But does that little boy emerge when your son is laughing with a group or watching TV with a friend? If so, relax. If, however, you cannot spot any sign of your happy youngster in your older child, if he or she cannot take any pleasure in friends or in a group or is always isolated, then, as a psychologist, I am worried - and you should be too.”

ChildrenChildhoodParentingChild Development
Book:Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children
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“I learned to compliment children on their behavior as guests in our house from a friend of mine. There is something lovely in having another child’s mother say, “Susan was a great guest. We enjoyed having her.” Complimenting a child honors the child, dignifies the child’s visit, and makes him or her self-conscious of having been a guest all along. Many parents don’t realize it, but complimenting a child also makes him or her aware that there is a process of evaluation going on in the host parent. That is to say, if a child is accustomed to hearing a compliment and doesn’t receive it one time, then he or she will think about what made it a not-so-good visit.”

ChildrenParenting
Book:Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children
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