Quotessence
Home / Quotes / Quote by Adam Phillips

Quote by Adam Phillips

“If you want to be with somebody who gets you, you prefer collusion to desire, safety to excitement (sometimes good things to prefer but not always the things most wanted). The wish to be understood may be our most vengeful demand, may be the way we hang on, as adults, to the grudge against our mothers; the way we never let our mothers of the hook for their not meeting our every need. Wanting to be understood, as adults, can be, among many other things our most violent form of nostalgia.”

Quote by Adam Phillips

Book:Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life
Create image

Work

Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life

Browse quotes and source details for this work. more

Author

Adam Phillips
Adam Phillips

Adam Phillips is a British writer born in September 1954. His works cover a range of fields including psychology, philosophy, and literature, known for his unique perspective and profound insights. more

You May Also Like

“Am mai văzut fotografii de-ale ei de cînd era doar o adolescentă. Toate mi s-au părut cu neputinţă de suportat, ca şi cînd ai vrea să ţii mîna pe un fier înroşit. Nici nu ştia că exişti cînd şi le-a făcut, iar faptul că ai pierdut momente atît de preţioase din viaţa ei că a risipit atîta emoţie pentru altcineva decît pentru tine, chiar dacă pentru nimeni, este de neînţeles, de netrăit.”

NostalgiaMircea Cartarescu
Book:Nostalgia
Create image

“Despite your best efforts and intentions, there's a limited reservoir to fellowship before you begin to rely solely on the vapors of nostalgia. Eventually, you move on, latch on to another group of friends. Once in a while, though, you remember something, a remark or a gesture, and it takes you back. You think how close all of you were, the laughs and commiserations, the fondness and affection and support. You recall the parties, the trips, the dinners and late, late nights. Even the arguments and small betrayals have a revisionist charm in retrospect. You're astonished and enlivened by the memories. You wonder why and how it ever stopped. You have the urge to pick up the phone, fire off an email, suggesting reunion, resumption, and you start to act, but then don't, because it would be awkward talking after such a long lag, and, really, what would be the point? Your lives are different now. Whatever was there before is gone. And it saddens you, it makes you feel old and vanquished--not only over this group that disbanded, but also over all the others before and after it, the friends you had in grade and high school, in college, in your twenties and thirties, your kinship to them (never mind to all your old lovers) ephemeral and, quite possibly, illusory to begin with.”

LifeFriendshipNostalgia
Book:The Collective
Create image