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Quote by Jarod Kintz

“To your party I'll bring my World-Famous Leftover Duck Meatloaf. It's from 1999, and the only reason I have it in my possession is because my old high-school math teacher called me up to come remove it from my old locker, because it was making his class smell like Savage Garden.”

Quote by Jarod Kintz

Book:Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

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Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

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“Please produce an autobiographical statement of no fewer than 1,000 words.”

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“THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. We are here to help you. 2. You will have enough time to get to your class before the bell rings. 3. The dress code will be enforced. 4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds. 5. Our football team will win the championship this year. 6. We expect more of you here. 7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen. 8. Your schedule was created with your needs in mind. 9. Your locker combination is private. 10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.”

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“We have journals in social studies, too. The school must have gotten a good price on journals.”

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“We are studying American history for the ninth time in nine years. Another review of map skills, one week of Native Americans, Christopher Columbus in time for Columbus Day, the Pilgrims in time for Thanksgiving. Every year they say we're going to get right up to the present, but we always get stuck in the Industrial Revolution. We got to World War 1 in seventh grade - who knew there had been a war with the whole world? We need more holidays to keep the social studies teachers on track.”

Book:Speak

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“I'm hiding in the bathroom, waiting for the coast to clear. I peek out the door. Principal Principal spots another errant student in the hall. Principal Principal: "Where's your late pass, mister?" Errant Student: "I'm on my way to get one now." PP: "But you can't be in the hall without a pass." ES: "I know, I'm so upset. That's why I need to hurry, so I can get a pass." Principal Principal pauses with a look on his face like Daffy Duck's when Bugs is pulling a fast one. PP: "Well, hurry up, then, and get that pass." Errant Student races down the hall, waving and smiling. Principal Principal walks the other way, replaying the conversation in his mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. I ponder this and laugh.”

Book:Speak

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“Finally, our own Devils hulk into the gym. The same boys who got detention in elementary school for beating the crap out of people are now rewarded for it. They call it football.”

Book:Speak

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“I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday?”

Christianity High School

Book:Speak

Source: Speak

“I hide in the bathroom until I know Heather's bus has left. The salt in my tears feels good when it stings my lips. I wash my face in the sink until there is nothing left of it, no eyes, no nose, no mouth. A slick nothing.”

High School Bullies

Book:Speak

Source: Speak

“The appearance of the yearbook clears up another high school mystery - why all the popular girls put up with the disgusting habits of Todd Ryder. He is a pig. Greasy, sleazy, foul-mouthed, and unwashed, he'll make a great addition to a state college fraternity. But the popular kissed up to him all year. Why? Todd Ryder is the yearbook photographer.”

Book:Speak

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“The college admissions process nowadays makes it harder for high school students to enjoy school and pursue intrinsic fulfillment. The process "warps the values of students drawn into a competitive frenzy" and "jeopardizes their mental health”

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Book:The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting up a Generation for Failure

Source: The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting up a Generation for Failure